changing:: myself.my world.

The Grass is Always Greener...

2010-06-04T12:13:00.001-04:00

I'm sitting here in my sun room looking out at my lawn where dandelions are doing their usual annoying thing of taking over the entire lawn...typical. The lilac bushes are leaving a sweet aroma in the air and the cherry tree is ready to blossom!It feels so wonderful to be home to be able to see this beauty once again. A beauty that perhaps I had taken for granted for a good majority of my life.

I can remember singing in a little show back in college with my friend Nicole. We sang the song, "The Grass is Always Greener" which depicts two different people's perspectives on life. They each are discontent in where they are at. They look at the other person's life and think how much better it is...hence, the grass is always greener on the other side.

I don't want to be that discontent ever. Thinking that what I have is nothing compared to what others have...whether that be others having more or less than what I have. The grass is green right where I'm at...and that's something that I need to remember.

The Words I Would Say...

2010-05-28T08:16:00.002-04:00

To be honest, I've been in quite the funk lately. I haven't felt like myself and others have taken notice of it. I've spent a lot of time at home, rather than getting out which is my normal response to the day. I guess you could say that I'm a hermit...

I met with my pastor last week to discuss a few of the happenings that have been going on in my life lately...it basically started when I injured my ankle and couldn't go to LA...since then, I have let one thing after another affect me negatively and take ahold of who I am...and that again, is not my typical response.

We spoke of being in this place (Houlton, Maine) for such a time as this...that I am here to grow and that my pastor firmly believes that. I found that odd to hear as I expected to be anywhere but in Houlton, Maine living with my parents, but he said that he went through a similar experience at the age of 27 and that it was the biggest growing time that he had had with God...so I'm expecting great things!

I'm seeking after truth...and that's something that I'm thankful I haven't stopped doing. I have come across more Scripture revealing listening to truth than I have before...another piece of Scripture is in John where Jesus calls the disciples. He doesn't say, "Now, go do this, be concerned with that, and then come to me." Instead He gives clear instruction to, "Just follow me."

That is what I am yearning to do. Regardless of if I have to work a job that I would despise...or stay in Houlton where I never thought I would end up...God has me..and He has a plan even if I can't see it yet and that is the truth that I am clinging too.

As I was driving to work today, I heard a song called "The Words I would Say" by Sidewalk Prophets. I have never heard this song before, but it spoke volumes about what I am going through right now...

Take a listen...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thLdWPr32yY

Quotable Quote...

2010-05-27T10:18:00.002-04:00

I was working one on one with one of my students this morning and he said something hilarious and I had to share it.

Me- "I hate my stomach...it's constantly hurting. I need a new one."

Student- "How are you going to do that? Get a pig's one?"

Me and Student- Burst out laughing...

Too good not to share...

When My Life Gets Tossed-Turned Upside Down...

2010-05-04T15:56:00.003-04:00

Time to Freak Out!

I found out a week ago that I do not have a job come the end of June...so in a little over a month...I will be without a "plan." At least I will be without my plan. I know that He has a plan...it's just a bit overwhelming to all of a sudden not have one...not sure what the next month will hold...not working with my students again...not sure where I'll live...knowing that He has a plan does bring comfort, but I have a difficult time giving over all of my worry to Him.

Please pray for me.

Time

2010-04-25T13:34:00.012-04:00

I have been doing a lot of thinking about the concept of time lately...thinking how I usually have two perspectives on it...either I am thinking, "I've got too much time on my hands and could be doing tons of different things with my time..." or..."There's never enough time."

Upon looking up the word "time" on google, over 3 billion results showed up...typing it into youtube...over 400,000 showed up...and in biblegateway.com, 889 results. I'd say that as a society we think of "time" as quite important.

I've been wrestling with this concept for a little while now. I feel as though we, as humans, try to "play God" when it comes to the time that we have.

We think that we have all the time in the world to go where we want, do what we want, and be who we want...but God's design, I feel, is much bigger than we can even possibly imagine. We change things from God's timing and try to make them our own...and if we do that, it generally goes to custard.

I had a conversation with someone the other day about when doctors put a timeline on our lives...we're sick, so we "only have a year" left...I don't believe that...some have longer, or some have shorter. Who am I to decide the time of someone's life? Rather than choosing to live in fear of not having enough time, shouldn't we be more focused on the time that has been given to us where we are and who we are with?

I'm such a person of deadlines.

I can remember being in college and planning my homework/quizzes/tests based on their due dates. I would sit down with a posterboard and make a calendar and put my due dates a week ahead of when they were actually due...that way, I would have more than enough time to complete the task at hand. Then I could also go back and look at my work and make changes if I needed/wanted to.

Everything is a timeline...our jobs, vacations, sports, leisure time,church, classes...When it comes to deadlines, we generally countdown because we want that deadline to come...so that we can finally be finished with a certain project. However, there's another way of looking at it...
timeframes...

I'm in a situation right now where I don't want the time to go fast...I don't want to see the moments as they slip past...That can be so difficult for me as I love counting down to things...crossing things out of my planner...but I don't want to cross out the time that I have with people...people that are here for a short time and then move on to something new. I want to cherish the time that I have with those that I love.

I'm in a Pit..With a Lion on a Sunny Day...

2010-04-21T16:28:00.002-04:00

"God is awfully good at getting us where He wants us to go. But here's the catch: The right place often seems like the wrong place, and the right time often seems like wrong time."

I can honestly say that this is exactly how I have been feeling as of late. Not being able to go to LA to serve God in a different capacity...and having to sit for hours a day with my foot up so that it doesn't swell to be the size of a grapefruit...having my ankle be different shades of the rainbow (roygbiv)...and not fully understanding why I am where I am for such a time as this.

My best friend and I have been reading "In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day" lately and he pointed this quote out to me the other day. How perfect...this describes my life at this moment. I know that God has a purpose in everything...but what's the purpose in me sitting at home...is it that I needed to rest because I'm always going here, there, and everywhere? Is it that I'm supposed to gain strength in my ankles?

I find it interesting the lyrics, "I wanna be Your hands...I wanna be Your feet. I'll go where You send me..." Well, that's the cry of my heart. I want so desperately to be His hands and feet...so perhaps my feet just needed strengthening...or maybe my family needed me to be home...I really don't know.

The right time seems like the wrong time...and that's the truth in my heart. It seems like the wrong time for me to be here, but God, and only He, knows why I'm here at this point...and not over in LA doing different ministries.

I'm trying to think about how I can honor God where I'm at...in Houlton, Maine...how can I honor Him through this trial? So frustrating...but still seeking.

Clumsy Consequence...

2010-04-18T15:17:00.002-04:00

I thought that at this moment I would be in a fifteen passenger van heading to Portland, Maine for the evening...and then flying to Los Angeles, California tomorrow morning at 5:40...grossly early, I know.Instead I am sitting in my living room with my left leg up on three pillows, wrapped in an ace bandage, tylenol/ibuprofen by my side, people waiting on me hand and foot, and ice on top of and underneath my ankle.

Yesterday was the third Saturday of the month, which means that people meet at the church to go out on Adopt a Block...where we go around to help those in need and also act as a blessing for those who may not be so "in need." Well, me being my usual graceful self, started to walk toward my dad's vehicle to drop off my mug of coffee and I saw a curb...I thought, "hmm...let's try balancing on that!" It was higher up than most curbs, so I knew it would be a challenge. I'm stupid.

I started to walk on it and it wasn't long before I was on the ground screaming at the top of my lungs in pain...not fully understanding the damage and consequences that were about to come. They called the ambulance and my dad held my ankle, not knowing if it was broken or sprained badly. All I could say was, "I'm so sorry. I can't go to LA." I was gutted as LA was going to be a continuing training in how to better the adopt a block ministry in my town.

The paramedics were great and I rode in an ambulance for the first time while people stood outside my church waving. My dad was stoked that he got to ride shotgun...he would be!

I had four x-rays, an ID bracelet (you know you've done something bad when...), and I awaited the doctor's word. Thankfully it wasn't broken...but man that stupid ankle was huge...about the size of a tennis ball on my left foot. I got a walking boot, ace bandage, and crutches, which thankfully I've become a pro at using because of previous injuries.

I was faced with the decision to go to LA or not...and through much prayer and a heavy heart, we realized that in reality I wouldn't be able to go and be effective in climbing up flights of stairs and doing the ministries which require walking everywhere that you go...I am gutted.

My eyes were swollen when I woke up this morning due to the amount of tears shed. All I wanted was to do this ministry...have this opportunity...serve God in a different way...and I was being obedient...

I've been faithfully praying Philippians 3:10 lately which roughly says I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection...through suffering, even unto His death.

Little did I know what my suffering would look like.

Some people would get angry at God...after raising support and being so excited about this...and then BAM...not being able to go...but I don't look at it as that. Yes, I'm clearly upset, but there's a purpose in this...you can't rush God's timing...His is perfect. I'm resting in that thought along with knowing that this is for a reason...one that I'm not sure of yet, but in His time, I will know.

Be blessed and be a blessing.

Coffee and a Book...

2010-04-09T09:36:00.004-04:00

I can remember being a little girl on school mornings and doing something sneaky. My parents were both coffee drinkers and I couldn't understand why. I didn't get why they "needed" that to wake them up in the morning for work. So, curious as I was, I decided that when they weren't looking, I would sneak some of their coffee. Mom would leave her cup on the table in the living room and after I was finished getting ready and no one was in the room, I would take a sip from the cup. Cold, flavored coffee. Back then, cause it was forever ago, we didn't have all these different flavors that we do today, so I'm pretty sure it was just cream and sugar in Mom's cup. I remember that first taste...I was hooked.

Now I can't imagine going a morning without having a cup of coffee. I even take my coffee to church with me on a Sunday morning. Possible addiction? Even if it is, I don't want to admit it.

A coffee related subject...books. I was reading chapter seven in "CrazyLove" by Francis Chan the other day. This chapter discussed how we are to look at everyone as if Jesus were that person...In Matthew 25:31-45 it talks about "I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat. I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink. I was a stranger and you didn't invite me in...Whatever you did not do for the least of these, you did not do for me."

Think about that for a minute. How selfish have I become, owning what I do and hoarding it to myself? There are people in different kind of needy situations everywhere around us, and rather than see Jesus in them and help them out in their time of need, we continue to buy more.

I know people who will never wear the same outfit twice, have 3 ipods cause two are "old," four tv's in their house and they only use one or two...

Who am I to complain that I "need" something...when I have all that I need. Am I storing up treasures on earth rather than holding out for heaven? Am I living as though who I come into contact with is Jesus?

Think about that.

The Dream Team

2010-04-08T09:03:00.002-04:00

In just a mere ten sleeps, yes I count, I will be leaving with four others from my church in Maine, to venture across the country to Los Angeles, California. Some of you may be saying, "nice vacation," but that isn't how I am looking at this trip.

A year ago, some youth leaders chaperoned a group of 20-25 people on a mission trip to the Dream Center in LA. There, they got right into doing a multitude of different ministries such as: bus ministry, food truck, dream center live, prayer ministry, skid row, homeless ministry, prostitution ministry, and many others. One in particular that grabbed the team's attention last year when they went out was "Adopt a Block" where you literally adopt a block around where you meet/live and you love them just as Jesus did.

When the team came back, they started up Adopt a Block in Houlton and for nearly a year (it will be in June) the team has gone out every third Saturday of the month to love the people around the block that they have adopted. God said, "One block...for one year" and the church has been faithful to that. So now they're seeking the next step for Adopt a Block...where to next/what direction does it need to go in? What is God wanting from this community and how will we seek that?

So, this April, in ten sleeps, five of us will be leaving on a jet plane to fly to California to be involved in ministry at the dream center for one week. We have had to raise funds for this, which have all come in very quickly! Now any other finances that come in will go toward buying supplies when we get out there to leave at the dream center or to pass out to those that we come in contact with.

I am beyond stoked for this trip! We are going to seek the next step and praying that God reveals that in His time. Please be in prayer for this team of five...that God will break our hearts for His people in a different place...that we will be selfless and exude Christ...and that we will come back with a deeper knowledge and understanding of what God hopes for this community and how we will play a role in that.

Be blessed and be a blessing.

Out of the Woodwork...

2010-04-06T15:01:00.002-04:00

I can't begin to tell you how many times I have sat down, pulled up this page, and started to write, but continued to hit delete because anything that I wrote was mediocre or just "stuff" and not anything of value...so here I go...yet trying again.

For a few months now I have been working/advocating for fifteen students at a local high school who have some type of disability...whether that is a learning disability or something greater, that is my life. I must say that it's one of the most challenging jobs, frustrating jobs, annoying jobs, but SO rewarding. I have seen my kids (yes,I call them that) come so far...in their way of thinking, processing after high school life, exploring careers, doing community service, and above all...really growing in their self confidence.

One of my close friends said to me, "We are put on the earth for a few reasons...one of them being helping others."

This friend is a non-Christian and he gets it. We are to help others...and I'm attempting that to the best of my ability. I refuse to let these kids settle for mediocrity...so we'll push through and knowing that God has a plan for each one, whether they know it or not...is a peace in and of itself.

With that being said, working in a public high school has been interesting...not being able to profess my faith with the students (unless they ask me) is interesting...but God continues to open doors. I have been doing a young adult Bible study with the book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. I can't say that I agree with everything in this book, but it's definitely worth your time if you're keen. It's teaching me a whole lot about sharing my faith, not being lukewarm...and what being a "real" Christian looks like.

More to come...I promise.

Responsibility...what's that?

2010-02-02T12:42:00.003-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJamzD0KntE (watch this!)

Sometimes when I'm given a responsibility I think, "Are you serious? You want ME to be in charge of that? You want ME to do that?" Sure, a bit of boasting may come along (sinful as it may be), but I can't help but feel flattered when someone gives me a responsibility. That person sees something in me that I may not see in myself...and for that, they bring out a part of me that continues to grow.

Responsibility comes in many different sizes...for some it's your children, for others it's applying to college, for others it's taking care of someone when they're sick...for me today...my responsibility is to teach the kindergartners how to tell time. You may sit there and laugh, but I view this as a responsibility. What I tell them could either help them or hinder them from being able to tell time correctly...who knows.

We, as Christians, have a huge responsibility...to share the love of God with others...with everyone...with our friends, with strangers, with the people/kids that we work with...I try to not take that lightly, though sometimes I slip...Why is it that I take the responsibility of teaching five year olds how to tell time seriously...but when it comes to my friends/family's lives and where they will spend eternity...I don't do nearly as much as I should do.

I have that responsibility...and I need to live up to it.
Challenge yourself to think about what you are responsible for.

The Choice is Ours...

2010-01-31T11:27:00.002-05:00

I had a conversation with someone recently about one of the most valuable lessons that I have ever learned. We were talking about how people can feel guilty, how we respond to situations...why we hold onto grudges...it's our choice...plain and simple.

When I was in New Zealand, I can remember getting into a disagreement with a friend of mine and I sat down with the pastor's wife, Michelle (lovely lady), and explained the situation. I said how the "person made me feel guilty," how "I can't believe he said that to me...doesn't he realize how badly he hurt me?"...and I'm sure the list could go on and on about what I foolishly and unwisely said.

She said something to me that has forever changed how I view situations and how I let them affect me. "You choose how you respond to things. People can't make you feel guilty...you let yourself feel that way. You choose when someone may be saying/doing something that you don't agree with, but YOU ultimately choose how you're going to feel about that...and how long you're going to let it affect you."

Well...geez...talk about constructive criticism. It's not of God for us to think that way...it's not of God for us to be offended...we can help each other with that. We choose how we react/respond to situations/things people say to us...I shouldn't be responding the same way that a non-christian would be responding because I have the faith in God...

Back to the conversation with this other person...the person kept going on about how he/she had their feelings hurt and felt guilty...and I said, "no,no,no...you choose how you react/respond to things and as long as we are responding in a way that is worthy of Christ...then we're doing what He asks of us.."

That is honestly what I think about when someone says something that could be taken offensively to me...that's not my intent to hurt people..and I honestly believe that it isn't someone's intent period...so stop being offended and see how you can change how you react/respond to things.

Choose to be offended...or choose to love and forgive.

New Job...Same Heart.

2010-01-29T11:52:00.000-05:00

I have recently started a new job through the Maine Transition Network (MTN) as well as AmeriCorps. The gist of the it is that I am a transition coordinator for high school teens ages 15-18 who have disabilities. I essentially help them prepare for their future and figure out some generic "lifeskills" that they may not know how to do.

I have 14 students that I work with everyday. I've had to do oodles of paperwork,which can be annoying when I just want to hang out with the teens. I have to remember that their homework comes first and then I get to work with them...so I'll help them with their homework, observe them in classes, and provide them with the information that they need in order to accomplish a certain task.

It boggles my mind the kind of need that is around me everyday. These kids not only have disabilities, but are also judged completely because they get put into the "special ed room" so that they can receive the accomodation that they need in order to be successful in school. The people who work with them are incredibly devoted and have encouraged me SO much. Bless them.

There's this one kid, I'll call him Art (not his real name,obv)...and he has a really hard time coming to school...he's been through a lot I guess you could say. He loves to smile...and loves Pepsi. I wanted him to come on a field trip that I'm organizing and for bribery for him to come,I gave him a Pepsi...and now he's stoked to go. This same kid needed someone to go into his gym class with him...so I went because I was free and really enjoy this kid's heart and he makes me laugh constantly,so that always helps of course.

We walk into gym and he heads right for the work out room. Awesome. Neat. I wore flats and had my hair done nicely. He gets on the tredmill and I get on the bike...we work out for ten minutes, then we switch for another ten...then I some weight lifting (laugh if you must) and he laughed at me too. Then we shot basketball. The joy that Art experienced was written all over his face.

To me, that is success. Letting a kid know that he is loved and cherished...

Keep Holding On

2010-01-15T11:08:00.003-05:00

In the midst of hearing radio broadcasts and news reports about the devastation in Haiti, I find myself saying three words...keep holding on. Words can't even describe the pain and torture people are experiencing in a place that I've never been. I've never had to worry about my house not being there when I get home from work. I've never had to worry about having to dig to find my loved ones under a mass of destruction.These people's lives have been taken from them...everything they ever new to be "normal" is now changed forever. I pray that they would keep holding on...that they would seek truth and find it in a place where all that they see is devastation.

At youth group this past week, my youth pastor pointed a girl out to me who was wearing merely a sweatshirt. I had assumed that she had put her coat down somewhere in the youth center. He said, "That's all that she has for winter gear." My heart sank. Where I live is freakin' cold! I wouldn't be walking around in just a sweatshirt when the sun is shining, let alone in a sweatshirt at nighttime in the cold,bitter air.

Devastation takes different forms. For some areas...it is extreme...like in Haiti. For others, in a small town in northern Maine...it's braving the winter without a coat.

Think.

Ungrateful Swine

2009-12-20T14:13:00.003-05:00

This time of year brings about many different emotions. Some of you may be wondering, 'why ungrateful swine?' Well, in all honesty, I feel as though I have seen more ungrateful people in the past month than I have people who are actually thankful and grateful for what they have been given or for what people have done/are doing for them. It's amazing...this time of year...and people go bananas...we lose sight of the kind of heart and mindset we should have.

Upon looking up the word "ungrateful" in the dictionary, the definition found is: unappreciative; not displaying gratitude; not giving due return or recompense for benefits conferred.

I dare you the next time that you go into a store to pay attention to what little children are talking about...what they're asking for...what they're crying about. Then I dare you to hear what teenagers are saying and demanding. Then I dare you to look at what middle aged people are buying and saying...then take a good look at yourself...what would people say about your attitude if they heard you in a store?

I'm not going to lie...I am ungrateful. It's something that I have to remind myself daily...to be grateful for what I have...to not always be wanting something more...to not complain that what I have isn't "good enough"... that I "need" something else.

I don't say this to lay on a guilt trip at all...it's something that I've been observing for the past couple of months and really felt compelled to share.

Forgive me Lord if I seem ungrateful...for what I have...for what I'm given...and for people in my life...

Ew...really?!

2009-12-18T11:19:00.002-05:00

For my one reader...

The white tundra, which is known as Maine...the great white north...which is my town...gets an insane amount of snow each year. This I somewhat missed last year, but the more colder that it gets and the more thoughts of "snow days" for school that come, I realize more and more how much I miss NZ.

That's beside the point...this story may leave you pondering, "hmm...what do I intake in a day?"

I barely passed my car inspection because of my tires. They basically had zero tred left on them...and me being so cheap, I put off getting them...until last week. With snow falling beautifully, it lands on the road and makes it so slippery! When I fishtailed last week, I decided it was time to just deal, shell out the money, and get some safety tires on my car.

This garage doesn't take appointments...it's a first come, first serve business. I arrive around 10am, left my cell at home, left my knitting at home, AND left my book at home. I had nothing, so I was just praying that it wouldn't take too long to put four new tires on my red bullet.

I walk in, check in, ask how long it will be... "Oh, about two hours." Great. Neat. Just what I wanted to do on my Friday. I reluctantly said "okay, I'll just wait" and walked to the "waiting room" which had six chairs, and automotive magazines...how did they know I love those?!

I sit down, look at the lady across from me who was all bundled up and had a crotchity look on her face...she was clearly not impressed with her waiting time. I picked up an Antique magazine, read a week old newspaper (so hopefully nothing changed), and read the winter events for Aroostook County in a little pamphlet.

I saw man after man come in, grab coffee, wait in line, leave, come back and do the same thing over again. The lady across from me was clearly getting hungry because she grabbed a quarter from her pocket and placed it into one of the most disgusting things ever... a candy dispenser machine.

The choice was either peanut m & m's or cashews. There were barely any left in either container and the stains inside each dispenser were enough to make my stomach churn like butter. It got me wondering....how many people touch those EVERY day...and how OLD are the "select items" in each one.

"Miracles" according to Reader's Digest...

2009-12-04T20:28:00.002-05:00

I was reading this the other day and found these to be too interesting not to share...It's taken from this Christmas edition of Reader's Digest.

Some readers share the miracles in their own lives...

"The sunrise my father and I watched standing at the top of one of the Smoky Mountains."
"Our son fell 40 feet off his barn roof onto cement and didn't break any bones."
"All the factors that came together to help me find the daughter I had given up for adoption."

"A bumblebee flying."

"My husband getting out of the Pentagon on 9/11."
"During a serious kidney stone attack at age 37, I went into a coma and saw a light at the end of the tunnel. I regained consciousness and lived. I am now 88 years old."
"Some would say that my actually getting married was a miracle." (burn)

"The days are filled with miracles: a flower blooming, my heart beating, the purr of a cat, the Internet." (interesting progression there)

"I feel that someone turning his life around for the better is a miracle."

"Love for the unlovable."

"Forgiveness."

"Being able to have enough income to share with others less fortunate."

"Hearts changed."

Amen.

OK for no SK...

2009-12-02T17:51:00.003-05:00

Approximately four weeks from now, I was meant to be leaving to teach English in Suwon, South Korea. However, with the help of following God's leading, listening to my heart, and trying to better myself before I can give 100%...I am post-poning South Korea for a few months...

My intentions for going were not pure...and though I write that with remorse, I'm thankful that I've noticed that in myself...and I am trying to correct that before I venture off overseas again. I don't want to go somewhere if God isn't at the forefront of it all...and at this time, He wasn't with me going to South Korea. I was going for different reasons...which weren't necessarily Godly.

I don't say that to receive praise or to raise a fuss, but I wanted people who read this, to be let in on things that others may not hear about for a while. My family is being really supportive and I believe this is where God wants me for now...to straighten my heart out with why I really want to go...

I am still substitute teaching, working at an after school program, and volunteering at two youth groups...and I love doing all of these things. I was working at the after school program today and had a nice little chat with a fourth grader named "Bella." I asked her if she knew and Edwards...and she just laughed at me...and then we played with glitter. I'm having fun blessing these kids and seeing them laugh.

God has a plan and I'm thankful that I don't need to know what He has for me in the future...as long as I'm living for Him in the now...and that's A-OK with me.

are we there yet?

2009-11-26T19:34:00.003-05:00

I wouldn't say that I'm the type of person who thrives on making decisions...in fact, when I go into the movie rental store, it can take me forever to make a decision as to what I'd like to watch...and to avoid making just one decision, I'll walk out of there with several choices. Another example, I have three shirts that are the exact same, just different colors...I couldn't decide on just one color...so I took three...ridiculous.

I hate decisions...and those examples are minor...obviously, so one can only imagine what goes through my head when I have to make a life decision...it doesn't come easy, that's for sure. I generally go back and forth about what I'm going to do and whether it's right for me, if it's where God wants me to go/do, how will I bless others through it...could I be used more effectively elsewhere?

Another question that comes into my mind often is, "Am I running from something? Am I running away?"

I've been doing a TON of thinking/crying/praying/pondering the past week or so about the next thing in my life. If I've made the decision that God wanted me to make or if I've avoided what God wants me to do because I'm being selfish. I'm so confused on this one...

I guess for once in my life...I feel really scared...taking a leap of faith...or staying where I know that I'm being effective. I realize that stepping into the unknown is always frightening,but should I really be this torn up about something...or is this God saying "Welp,maybe this isn't right...maybe not that it isn't 'right,' but maybe more like it's just not 'right now'"

Anytime that I was sick, my parents would give me a coloring book and crayons to help cheer me up...I had a hard time making a decision as to what color I would use on Ariel's tail or Belle's ballgown...and here I am...twenty years later, just wishing I could have that crayon and color in what's next for me.

Maybe this is just a rough patch of doubt...or maybe it's God. How does one know for sure...

Decisions come and decisions go...for now, I don't know which is the right one for God and my relationship...and where I'll be more effective...and where I'll be able to give more for His Name...I don't want to be selfish at all.

Gah.

L.O.V.E.

2009-11-15T17:00:00.004-05:00

I recently googled the word "love" and it came up with 240,000,000 results in .15 seconds. How come it's so easy to find online, but not so easy to find in real life? It's so easy for us to love things that last a minute, while we have a harder time loving people who could last a lifetime.

I find myself struggling with the same thing at times, but lately I've been putting my heart in check with just how I am to love...and better yet,how I am supposed to show that love to others. Love can come in many forms...for some it's a hug, while for others it's in a smile. Some it's at first sight, while others never find it.

How dare I ever take this forgranted...how dare I ever think that I have it so rough...how dare I become complacent about my life...the life that so many people have impacted...and that impact comes from them loving me...and me letting them love me. If someone is a good friend of mine,then they easily get a piece of my heart.

I can remember the first time that my heart was broken. I never thought that it would get repaired...but I learned a hard lesson...which seems easy,but it wasn't at the time...If I'm looking to man for love, then I'll be searching my whole life for a love that is meaningless,but if I turn to God...which is the ultimate love...then I will have it not just for a moment,but for the maximum time...which is eternity.

Something that has boggled my mind and probably always will, is how parents cannot find it in them to love their children. I,thankfully, do not deal with this. I have two loving parents who have always provided for me, encouraged me, and voiced how proud they are of me with my life decisions and my character. They helped to shape who I am...and it kills me that others aren't as fortunate as me. Why was I dealt such a card while others receive the "joker" because they don't have loving parents.

One of my best friends doesn't receive the kind of love that he deserves...the kind of love that he needs from a parent...from his dad...from his mom. I see this very clearly...and it breaks my heart. Someone that I care so much about...and he isn't treated nearly as well as he should be. It makes me angry...makes me clean (because I clean when I'm really mad)...and makes me pray harder than I've ever prayed.

I'm praying for God to intervene in his life in a huge way...to put people in his path that will love him unconditionally. That God will take off the blindfolds that have been placed over my friend's mother's eyes so that she can see the true gift that her son is, not only to her,but to any person that he comes in contact with.

Will you please join me in this prayer...and for those who don't have loving parents. We were born to love. Christ loved. God loved us enough to send His Son...so why, can't we in return love our "sons?"

Post Your Secret...

2009-11-10T09:48:00.001-05:00

Have you ever had a secret? You wanted to tell someone...but you were so scared of what they would say or think...but you had to get it out? Frank Warren decided to give people that outlet that they were craving by inventing "Post Secret" where that's literally what you do. You write your secret on a postcard and mail it in anonymously to PostSecret, where it could end up in one of their many books, or on their blog that they update each week.

The simple concept of the project was that completely anonymous people decorate a postcard and portray a secret that they had never previously revealed. No restrictions are made on the content of the secret; only that it must be completely truthful and must never have been spoken before.

I started reading the blog two years ago, and I've read through two of their books. They have had over 2,500 postcards sent in to them. I don't know what it is, but seeing what people struggle with and the semi freedom that they must feel when they post their secret and in a sense "let it out" gives me courage as well as insight. It impresses on me the need for love in our world...and for forgiveness...and the importance of being honest with each other. It also fills me in on what type of things people struggle with...and we may never ever know that they do...It honestly breaks my heart.

We each have a secret...one that we deal with...maybe it's bigger than some, or maybe we haven't let things go that we dealt with years ago. It may be one that has never been spoken. The Bible says to confess our sins to one another...and perhaps we could put our secrets on the back of a postcard that we've decorated and send it in...so that when other people read it, it can encourage them...or break their hearts...

Some of the things that people write...wow.

http://www.postsecret.blogspot.com/

Some of the images can be graphic...

Jesus calls us to love people...despite what they have/have not done...so read some of these secrets...and go out and love people because you never know what they're going through.

Clean Machine..

2009-11-05T17:33:00.002-05:00

I know that this will seem really geeky...but I love cleaning. There's something about starting with something that's dirty...and organizing it, putting it back in place, and just making it look clean.

My family is expecting company from this Sunday for about a week and a half and because both of my parents work full time and then some, I decided that I would take it upon myself to clean my house.

I started this morning around 9:30 and I have now, at 5:30 pm, just finished. I have done about five loads of wash, stripped two beds, made those beds again, vacuumed both floors, cleaned two toilets, three sinks, two showers, dusted anything and everything I could, watered the plants, and put clothes away.

There's something so satisfying about having a clean house. You know that there's nothing left to do. You can be stress free for a bit...and just lay back and smell the scent of the candles lit in each room. Ah...good to be home...in a clean home...

Update on All Night...

2009-11-01T14:23:00.002-05:00

The all-nighter that we held on Friday night went SO well. We had about 60 teens from around the area that came. Some were from two youth groups that I volunteer at, while the others, I honestly didn't know! What a blessing!

Four of my friends from college came to be the band and one of them was the speaker as well. We played gross games...which were absolutely disgusting. I learned everything that I know from my youth pastor, Dave Rowe. Seriously...so sick. We did a "Bobbing For..." series...where we had apples in spaghetti, toilet paper in apple juice, spam in spaghetti, tootsie rolls in oatmeal and maple syrup, and gummi worms in jello/water.

We did other gross games as well, had great fellowship time over tons of food that was donated by my church family. We gave out giftcards that were donated by my community. We played not murder in the dark, but "Martyr in the dark." Mike brought the Word...and he did just that...SO good. It got the kids thinking and definitely got me praying and thinking as well.

We watched "Hook" which brought back awesome memories. I really got to know these teens. They had a blast and we're still hearing about it now! Some of them said that it was the most fun that they've ever had which was really encouraging!

It was well worth being sleep deprived.

Later on Halloween, I dressed up as a taco and volunteered at the Wesleyan church's "Trunk or Treat" that they hold annually. About 260 kids came through as well as their parents. I think the costume for the year was spiderman as well as a princess of some sort (typical).

All in all...great weekend. Tiring weekend. Totally worth it.

The Legend of Ms. Sour

2009-10-30T12:28:00.003-04:00

The joys of substitute teaching...

Though I woke up today exhausted, I was stoked because I would be subbing in the Kindergarten class. They are currently at music class as I type this. I walked into the classroom and there's a giant blue rug on the floor with the alphabet on it. Oh yes, it was "THE RUG." The rug where magic happens...where they learn the alphabet, the calendar, and pledge allegiance and then sing a song about the flag that I had never heard before. It was the rug where stories were told and kids giggled. Good times.

I'm amazed at how kids speak. Granted that they are roughly 5-6 years old, I love how they can't pronounce their r's, s's, and have trouble with t's as well...which means that I am "Ms. Sour" yet again. I don't mind that though. I can remember being in kindergarten and having nap time, looking at pictures in books, and attempting to read, when really I was just making up stories...being the creative genius that I am...not really.

It's fun to watch them draw pictures, hear about what they're going to dress up as for halloween one will be a unicorn..my fav), listen to them sound out words, and the laughter. I was thinking about when I get to South Korea, I could be teaching a kindergarten class. Though that scares me because you're responsible for firstly introducing them to the language, seeing this little ones makes me really excited to get over there and work with this age group. I think that it's going to be priceless!

Prayer Requests.

2009-10-28T23:07:00.002-04:00

Hey readers,
I'm in need of some pray for specific things. If you can be lifting these up in the next few days,that would be huge.

*Youth all-nighter/lock-in that I've been planning for a month now. Starts this Friday, Oct 30th at 9pm and goes until the 31st at 6am. We have a guest speaker, live band, friends,fellowship,and fun.It's a huge outreach event to my town and we've advertised quite a bit. Please pray that teens will show up and fully grasp the love of Christ through fun times as well as my friend Mike Chapman who is speaking.

*South Korea prep-I've had a lull in my "wanting to learn Korean" and that needs to change. Please pray that I'll get more motivation and will be successful in learning this really interesting language. Also, my immigration papers are going to the school and the country at the beginning of November. Please pray that it's smooth sailing. Also, pray that when I do get my visa, that I don't have to go to Boston,but that I can have a phone interview, and that I'll be able to fly out of Bangor, ME rather than go to Boston. That is actually a big deal.

*Time at home- Please pray that my time at home will bring blessing and hope to people in the area. I've loved being able to get involved with two different youth groups, substitute teach, and work at the after school program with children who really need to have some fun, consistency, and some love. Please pray that I'm making a mark.

Thanks so much. Blessings to you all.

Manic Monday...

2009-10-27T20:57:00.002-04:00

I was going to write this yesterday,but based on my day...there was no way that I was going near this thing.

6:40 am: Mom came into my room, woke me up and asked if I wanted to sub. Me-facedown into my pillow-uggghhhhghghgdfdkjl okay.
7:25 am: Burner catches on fire due to me not being fully awake. Good story actually...ask me about it and I'll tell you.
7:45 am: Meet some of my students for the day.
11:30 am: 7 out of 20 students have to stay in for recess because of being disrespectful to me...trust me,I gave them plenty of warnings.
12:45 pm: I send a student down to the principal's office because of lying and sneeking items.
2:30 pm: Couldn't have come fast enough.
3:00 pm: My supposed doctor's appointment.
4:15 pm: Actually seen by doctor.
4:20 pm: Done consult.
4:25 pm: Receive shot.
4:35 pm: Pick up new card(see burner story) and shish kebab skewers.
5:00 pm: Marinade meat.
5:30 pm: Cut finger while cutting up veggies for the kebabs.
6:00 pm: Marinade sauce enters open cut...um,yeah..that killed.
9:00 pm: Realized that the hat that I've been knitting, well I messed it up and have to see a knitter professional to fix it.
11:30 pm: Finally bed.

It's amazing how after I had such a good day on Sunday (see latest blog post), that I have the worst Monday ever. Crazy how that works, eh?
Enjoy my life.

God of Justice

2009-10-25T23:24:00.002-04:00

Church. was. awesome. today.

I was dreading waking up early to get to church for 7:40. When I heard the buzzing of my phone at 6:30, I pulled down the blinds just enough to see nothing...that's right...it was still reallllly dark outside. The true signs of winter approaching. I got ready and though I was dreading being at church so early(because I love sleep,not because I don't like Jesus) and what do you know...I was there ten minutes early. Awesome. Go me.

We ran through the songs and soon it was time for service. I hadn't realized that we were having guest speakers today. "Ugh" I thought. "I really needed to hear a sermon today." What kind of an attitude was that? The service went on and soon, the guest speakers were playing a short video...about a rehab center that they started in New Hampshire (about five hours away). "Great. How does this pertain to me at all?"

Here I was so focused on the rehab or "habilitation" as they called it and God clearly had something else in mind. Last night, I was stressing about South Korea and saying good-bye and moving on...and this month at my church is a month focused on missions. Each church should be missional, as well as each person. I, myself, have done/will continue to do missions. "Okay,so what's the point? I've done this already."

I wasn't listening...until the guy said, "People just have to be willing." Ding,ding,ding.

Later on, I was listening to my friends new album and the song "God of Justice" by Tim Hughes came on. I had never heard it before, but here are the lyrics. Coincidence? I don't think so.

God of Justice, Saviour to all

Came to rescue the weak and the poor

Chose to serve and not be served

Jesus, You have called us

Freely we've received

Now freely we will give

We must go live to feed the hungry

Stand beside the broken

We must go

Stepping forward keep us from just singing

Move us into action

We must go

To act justly everyday

Loving mercy in everyway

Walking humbly before You God

You have shown us, what You require

Freely we've received

Now freely we will give

Fill us up and send us out

Fill us up and send us out Lord

thanks for the check mr. reality...

2009-10-24T22:02:00.003-04:00

I was sitting in front of the tv, watching a reality show (don't mock me) and then,reality hit me. I'm not saying that it was because of a girl named Heidi crying on the tv, but then the girl Heidi (me) sitting in the chair, started to cry. I quickly grabbed my laptop and came up to my room so as to not have my mom see me. It's not that I mind crying in front of her,I just didn't know what I would say when she asked what was wrong.

When I got up to my room, I looked at my calendar...9 weeks. Just nine weeks until I would leave for South Korea...for a year...at least. Oh my goodness. Mental. Usually when I talk about it, I'm really excited, but I started to cry this time. "Oh my goodness" and "what am I doing" were the thoughts going through my head. "This is insane" and "This is selfish" soon came flooding my thoughts.

Tears streamed down my face as I thought about the last time I saw my gram. I was coming back from my road trip with my best friend Andy, and I stayed at her house for a night. She spoke about how lonely she is now that gramps is gone (4 years ago) and my heart broke for her.
I thought about the last time I saw my sister and brother in law...I was in Indiana in August-September visiting them as they got settled in more and more. I remember saying goodbye to them as they headed to the airport to fly to England(for the weekend...mental) for a wedding.

I didn't want it to end like that. I don't want 9 weeks to go by fast at all. I'm loving being home and investing in the teens in my town, planning a youth all nighter for this weekend, and substitute teaching kids who say "Oh my goodness I have to fart so bad" and who can't pronounce my name correctly so it comes out "Ms. Sour" instead of Ms. Sattler.

I'm not ready to leave. I'm not ready to say good-bye. Now I know that some of you are saying, "Heid, you have 9 more weeks." The scary thought is how fast those will go by and then it's on to my next adventure, which don't get me wrong, I AM excited for, it's just really overwhelming...and it hit again tonight. I know that it's where God wants me for this time in my life and I know that a year will fly by and before you know it I will be talking about my family flying over to see me and/or signing on for another year at a school over there.

The check of reality came tonight...most definitely. I'm comfortable being home...and though that's awesome and I'm thankful for it, it also kind of scares me...I don't want to settle yet...I want to live life as it comes and long for the next adventure...

So please pray for me and I'll pray for you.

Motivation

2009-10-16T13:57:00.003-04:00

I was sitting in math class today when I wrote this.

I'm sitting in math class. Grade 7. We're learning about the standard units of measurement. Riveting. It's 11:17am. Only twenty-three more minutes left in this class. Then onto recess duty for ten minutes. It's quite cold outside, so a winter coat is frighteningly necessary. I'm not going to lie, I love going down the hall and having the kids say, "Who's that?" or "Yay! She's here!" I know, it sounds dorky,but it's nice when kids are actually excited to have me as a substitute.

I've just been sitting in math class after math class. I can't help but scan the classroom and see the looks on the kids faces. They're clearly bored. Perhaps it's because of the monotone teacher. I wonder if I had the same look on my face when I was in grade 7 math class...probably did.

Right now they can't see beyond this. The kids goof off and talk about how they can't wait until they're old enough to drop out of school because they don't see it as "important." They're willing to settle for the life that they've been taught, not to dream, soar, or be passionate about the future. They are willing to settle for mediocre.

Looking around at the posters and "decorations" gets the wheels in my head turning about how I can make my classroom awesome in South Korea. I want kids to be able to focus, but to also feel that learning actually is fun. I want them to have passion and to take that passion out of the classroom. And definitely...under no circumstance...will I allow them to settle for mediocre.

Blast from the Past

2009-10-15T20:59:00.002-04:00

I've been working at this school in Maine who has this "No Bullying" policy. I look at the signs that they have up and the kids making posters for it and it makes me think back to how I used to get made fun of SO much when I was growing up.

Over the past couple of weeks, I've come into contact with those people who used to bully me in jr high and high school. First, when I worked on the potato harvester(yes, I did that) and then in stores, gas stations...I've come into contact with three people who used to bully me...and I wonder what kind of people they have become today. Do they still do that? Are they getting picked on? Do they even remember me? The first one, on the harvester, didn't even remember that he used to bully me into finishing his english homework...wow. Don't judge me... I didn't want to get beat up.

Seeing them got me thinking about how I've changed even since high school. It's amazing how much less you have in common with people after you haven't seen them for five years. Mental. This summer, I was able to see Tash and Evy that I met while in New Zealand. It was great to see them, but Tash said something to me that still has me thinking every single day. She said to me after being around me for about forty-five minutes, "You're not the same as you were in New Zealand."

I know that she didn't mean to offend at all, but all I could think was "Ouch!" How had I let that happen? How had I let the person who I had become, get pushed to the backburner...what had I done to allow that to happen? Does that happen when you adapt back into your own culture...your comfort zone? Was I always like that, or just around people that I hadn't seen in a while...because people at camp thought that I was random, spontaneous, and ridiculous...so what has me holding a part of me back?

I dare you to ask yourself the same question...What has you holding a part of yourself back...

Red Light::Green Light

2009-09-28T23:49:00.002-04:00

Have you ever sat at a red light and let your thoughts consume you? You're just sitting, waiting, and waiting...for that light to change green so that you can go to your next destination. You can't be bothered to stop your life for a few seconds and to relax and think. There I found myself, staring at the paved road ahead of me just waiting to get the green light to go. It was a paved road, but had some potholes and some cracks in it, along with some puddles. I like to think that's how my road(life) will be...it won't be all smooth and freshly painted, but it's in those cracks, puddles, and potholes, that I see what has been designed for me.

I sat, consumed. I've been home for two weeks. Just signed a year contract with a school in Suwon, South Korea. I miss my best friend, Andy. I just said good-bye to my English friend Fiona who I knew that I would see again sometime, but I wasn't sure as to when I would see her.

Red lights...they make us stop...they make me think. Granted usually when I'm at a red light I'm rushing trying to get to my destination or I'm annoyed that this light is lasting forever, but tonight, at 11:15, I sat alone at that red light and for a second, I didn't want it to turn green. I didn't want to go to my next destination. I was letting my thoughts surround me. Memories, adventures, blessings, friends, and my next adventure that I will embark on.

I know that the law enforces these red lights, but I like to think that they not only pause our car, or put it on hold, but they pause our lives and help us to, if we will, think about things...they help to put things in perspective.Sure, it sounds cheesy,but that's what I thought tonight...they really do serve a purpose.

Excursions...

2009-07-12T14:57:00.002-04:00

We're into our fourth week of camp: Music camp. That's right...band camp.I'm not ashamed to admit that I have attended band camp willingly before and now I find myself teaching theory, helping with chorus, and teaching piano. That's right...the girl who's never taken a piano lesson is teaching piano...pretty mental,but my students really like me :)

Pre-camp was a great time to reconnect with people from last summer and then the staff arrived at the first of June. It was crazy to see people after having not seen them for a year!

I have been one of the two speakers for the camp and I must say that I absolutely love my job. To dance and sing with the kids, lead worship, and speak on top of that...what a blessing. I find myself giving thanks to God each day for reminding me that I am His servant and that He has plans for me that far outweigh the plans that I can make for myself.

I am finding myself getting close with the counselors and support staff. What a great bunch! Honestly! I'm heading to Maryland with a group of 20 people for a four day break from camp. I'm sure that we'll have a blast and get to know each other even better than we currently do!

This past break, the entire staff went on a seven mile hike to see about twenty-two waterfalls. This is the crew that decided to make a pact to stay at the front of the group. We may have gotten separated a bit, but me, Rachel and Emma (to the left of me) stayed together and made it in record timing. What a sight and what a great way to be reminded of God's creativity and the beauty that He's made for us to enjoy!

Camp is great. People are great. Adjusting to being back in the States is getting better each day, with the prayers and support of my friends not only far away, but my best friends who are at camp with me this summer.

Remember...be blessed and be a blessing.

Suitcases

2009-06-06T10:58:00.002-04:00

First of all...Happy 21st Birthday to David Freakin Bosma!

After spending three weeks at my sister's in New York, I made my way down to a small town in northeast Pennsylvania called Waymart. This would be home for the next three months. This had been my home for the past two summers.

Life at camp is generally filled with children laughing, screaming, and jumping in the pool. Then we have the counselors who are at their wits end trying to figure out what to do with ten inner city kids that won't listen to them and can't understand their "funny" accents. The program staff work hard figuring out how to teach kids about the Bible, how to boat, how to climb ropes, how to build a campfire, and how to swim. After long days, it doesn't take long to fall asleep once the head touches the pillow.

What people don't see are the things that go on before camp even starts. Before all of the staff get there. The hard work that happens in order to have camp happen. I, fortunately, get to see that. I join in with about eleven other people as we clean, cook, scrub, laugh, cry, drive the mule, huge van, and live under the same roof. Needless to say, it gets pretty intense.

The others who have been here for three weeks say that I'm crazy for not sleeping in and doing nothing (as I'm not getting paid to work), but I say, "You'd be foolish to want me to do that. You'd have more work to do." So, I join in.

I've been doing a lot of learning about different personality types and how they work and don't work well with each other. It truly has been a blessing to be a part of this team of workers as we get ready for the rest of the staff to come. I've been fortunate enough to have talks with a few of them.

I'm finding it difficult to have the desire to be around people and have to "try" with relationships, but I'm trying to ease my way into it before the rest of the staff get here this coming week. Because people don't understand what my mind and heart are going through, I feel as though I am misunderstood and I'm not sure how to talk about what I'm feeling.

Be blessed and be a blessing.

Personality

2009-05-24T16:19:00.004-04:00

Over the past few days I have been thinking about what I used to be like about five to six years ago. Looking back, as hindsight would be 20/20, I realize what a jerk I was to people sometimes. I used to be overly sarcastic to the point that it would destroy my friendships with people. A few people would call me out on it, but I just brushed it off with a "I don't care" type of attitude. However, looking back, I wish that I had listened...instead, it took me years to realize the damage that I had done with family, friends, and even strangers. First impressions are huge...and goodness knows that I need/want to make a good one.

Besides making a good first impression, I got to thinking about my personality. When I'm around certain personalities now, I think a ton...because I realize "Oh, I used to be like that." And then I hear it echo in my head.."OH, I used to be like that...really?" I'm finding more and more that I want a personality that not only stays true to myself, but lifts people up, and doesn't jeapordize the relationship that I have with them. I want to have a personality that inspires people...challenges people...makes people laugh...encourages people...and builds good relationships.

Personality is a huge part of who we are...
When I looked up the word "personality" in the dictionary...these are some of the definitions that I found.

1. the visible aspect of one's character as it impresses others
2. a person as an embodiment of a collection of qualities
3. the quality of being a person
4. the essential character of a person

With personality being "the essential character of a person," I want to make sure that mine helps and does not hurt people. I want to be known for having a dynamite personality! It's meant to "impress" others...not cause people to spiral into a depression...so is your personality worth being around?

New York,New York

2009-05-18T13:17:00.004-04:00

I've been in New York for a week now, and there have been a few celebrations! I was able to be here for my sister's birthday last week and my brother in law's graduation from seminary as well! It has been such a great time to share with them.

Over the weekend, Evan's family and my parents came down for the graduation festivities. It was really great to see everyone again, although it was a bit overwhelming.

I have thoroughly enjoyed spending time with Robin and Evan because any other time that I have shared with them, there has been some sort of agenda for the visit (ie: graduation, Christmas, Thanksgiving). Not that it was a bad time, but we didn't have time to just be with each other and enjoy one another's company, so I guess that we're making up for lost time...and it's been so good!

I am realizing more and more that this whole "culture shock" thing is going to take more than a month at home to kind of deal with. This past weekend, when other people were around that I didn't know...I closed up...I hid in the kitchen doing dishes (which I've been doing much of) and didn't feel like being social.

For anyone that knows me, they know that this is incredibly odd. I guess that I'm just not ready to have to try to have relationships...if that makes any sense. It's tough...to come back, be around family that you know really well, and then have strangers come into the mix. It's almost as though you don't know how to respond...do you make an effort or do you let them just enjoy their time with others?

For me,I hid...It's weird to not want to try to make friends...I thrive on that...and now I fear it...go figure.

However, despite the weird days,there are oodles of good ones. I have loved spending time with these two and the laughs and the memories that have been made will stay with me for a long time. Be encouraged!

Since I've Been Gone...

2009-05-08T14:45:00.003-04:00

Well,I've been home for a little over a month now. Pretty crazy that the time has gone by that quickly. I feel like I just stepped off the plane yesterday...not a month ago!

Since I've been home, I've really enjoyed spending time just relaxing and hanging out with my family. A couple of weeks ago I had my college graduation. My sister, brother in law, and grandmother all came up for the weekend festivities. It was so good to spend time with them. It was also fantastic to visit with friends that I hadn't seen for a year. It's amazing to me how we can pick up right where we left off. That gives me such hope for the future in my ministries and as I travel around.

Speaking of traveling around...I'm leaving this coming week for New York to hang out with my sister and her husband before his seminary graduation. More fun times will be had! Then,I'll be heading to Pennsylvania where I will serve as Christian Education for the second summer in a row! I am so stoked!

I had my phone interview for South Korea last night and it went really well. I now have a list of all of the requirements and the guy that I spoke to was very informative. I feel such a huge sense of peace about this entire process. As soon as I got off the phone, I went upstairs to see my dad and I just said, "Dad, I am so excited!" So please continue to pray for me about that next adventure.

I'm still trying to unpack everything from New Zealand. This is such a long process. I have enjoyed slowly starting to be around people and share my experiences with people. It's crazy...I've never been the anti-social type, but that is exactly what I've been like for the past month. When I'm around people, I do fine...I'm not awkward, or at least no more than usual, but I'm perfectly content being in my home and not venturing out. I'm not depressed or anything like that...it's just a huge change that I'm still trying to get used to. So please continue to pray for me. Ask me questions about New Zealand because I'd love to share!

Remember to be blessed and be a blessing to someone.

Letting Me Go as Opposed to Needing Me to Go

2009-04-17T23:39:00.002-04:00

I started some debriefing with my senior pastor this week. I am a total dork. I was going through my head the possible questions that he could ask me and trying to "prep" myself for what was to come in the next little while. That little while turned out to be over an hour and a half! I was so blessed!

We sat and talked for quite a while...I told him some of the key things that I had learned over there and he shared with me some of the things that he learned while being on his sabbatical from January-March. I was so blessed to have him and his family come to Auckland while I was there. They didn't expect me to meet them at the airport, but I woke up at 4:30am (how I remember that...ugh) and drove to the airport all by myself for the first time. I kept waiting for them to come through the sliding doors, but others came through...so I waited and waited some more. I was so excited!

As soon as I sat down, here they came...looking excited as ever. I can remember Mel, Mackenzie, and Madeline walking by me without realizing that I was right there,but Randall said, "It's the Heidster!" That has been his nickname for me for years! He made the four of us get in a photo, reluctantly, and then we carried on. I never knew the impact that had on him...until debriefing.

He shared with me how God lets us be a part of what He's doing...He doesn't need us to do it. He loves how we love to go somewhere and do work for the Kingdom, but He doesn't actually need us to do it. Crazy thought that I'm still trying to process. That along with how we are to die to ourselves every day so that we can live more fully for Christ. I'm starting to dig into the book of Acts and really put myself in the passages that I am reading.

One of the last things that Randall said was that he and Mel (his wife) had done ministry in New Zealand quite a while ago...so they were the missionaries there, who would be greeting people who came to visit or such. By me coming to the airport to welcome his family, he was incredibly blessed. I guess we never know what type of impact we can actually have on people. I didn't think that I would have had that kind of an impact...I was just picking them up from the airport!

It got me thinking...The Burns family have poured into me since I was in junior high. They have been a part of me becoming the woman of God that I have. So by them seeing me in New Zealand as a missionary, they were blessed because God let them be a part of ministering to me and now I was out ministering to others. What a blessing!

So, pour into people...because you never know what may happen.
I'm blessed.

The Snow is Melting...The Rain is Falling...

2009-04-07T14:47:00.005-04:00

Yay for snow and yay for snow melting :) I've been home for nearly a week now and there is a lot less snow then when I first arrived. Hey,I'm not complaining! To the left is a picture of my house. It felt so weird to walk into a house that had an attic and a basement, as most homes in NZ do not have those!
It feels so nice to be able to sleep in...seeing as I'm trying to get into the time zone...I find myself going to sleep between 3-4 am and waking up in the early afternoon. Don't worry people, I will be social again hopefully soon.

It's so weird. I thought that when I came back I would be keen to spend time with as many people as possible, but it's been the total opposite. I ventured out on Saturday to the Maine State Jazz Festival and saw a ton of people there that I knew, but I was really out of it as I'm still exhausted. I also saw my friend's band play on Saturday night...and again, I left early...because I'm tired and just finding it very overwhelming to be around a group of people.

I'm hoping that I get out of this funk sometime soon. On a brighter note...I am officially done all of my internship work. I finished the reflection paper on Sunday and I did my portfolio of all that I've done, yesterday....and let's just say that the binder is enormous and weighs a ton. I'll be driving down to Bethany tomorrow with a couple of friends to drop all of that off. Woohoo!

Graduation is two and a half weeks away. Someone asked me today how I feel about that and honestly, I'm so pumped for it. I just want to get my degree and be done with school for a little while. It still boggles my mind that I'm graduating though because I'm not at school, but I'm guessing that when I go up to visit tomorrow, that I'll become more aware of the fact that my friends and I are all graduating soon....weird.

Be blessed and be a blessing!

P.S. Plans for South Korea are starting to form :)

Back to Maine...Back to Reality.

2009-04-02T01:59:00.003-04:00

The clock says 2 am and I'm still awake.

I'm back in Maine now. My last flight got in this morning at 8:45 and I was relieved to see my parents there...I must admit that it felt really weird to see them because it had been so long. The next thing I was worried about were my bags because they had to change my terminals...but thankfully they were there.

Traveling by myself this time was quite brutal. I left Auckland after saying goodbye to 22 amazing friends that have become part of my family. It has been the hardest thing for me to be away from them. It just doesn't feel right. I keep expecting my cell phone to vibrate and to get a text message or have one of my teens run up to me and try to bruise me. It's just different.

Once I got home, I sat in the green chair in our living room and just sobbed. It's back to reality...I'm not in New Zealand anymore. I'm not surrounded by a diverse culture. I'm not looking at palm trees and hearing the ocean...instead I'm looking at snow and having my dog Coal lick my pants. People didn't prepare me for this. I am glad to be home, but it's so hard when my heart is somewhere else...I don't feel complete. I don't feel like being social. I feel so tired in every possible way,but my mind won't let me rest.

My parents said that if there were any possible way that they could have let me stay there, they would have because they knew how difficult this was going to be for me. I'm so thankful that they are being understanding. It's frustrating for them too because they don't know how to react and what to do for me to help. I did e-mail my pastor about doing debriefing with him,so hopefully we'll start that soon.

My heart hurts. I'm a world away from my boys that I love and miss so much. This is going to take some getting used to. This is going to take some time. I know that this will make me stronger and God has a reason for me experiencing these emotions at this time. Please keep me in your prayers as I adjust to being home...

To those of you in NZ, I miss you greatly.

Be blessed and be a blessing...even when you don't think you can be.

Heidi

The time has come to say good bye...

2009-03-30T18:42:00.002-04:00

I look to the left of me, and there sit my two bags...one red hiker bag and one green suitcase. It's Christmas. Not quite, but you get the idea. I honestly didn't think that I would be able to get it all in,or that I would have to sit on my suitcase to get it shut, but thankfully it's all good...I'm just praying that it isn't overweight,otherwise I'm in trouble.

I have never felt more blessed than I have the past two days. I have had numerous people call,text,and swing by all to say "hi and bye" and to check to see if I am okay. As hard as last night was for me, I felt so loved to look in the Mackay's living room and see my two old flatmates Michelle and Jess, Rachel, Brent, James, Rick, Sam, Evy, Rod, Jan, Phil, and had people come in while we were there with each other. As I looked at each person's face, I found myself trying to memorize it so that I would never forget it.

I am such a leaky faucet. I honestly don't understand how I have anymore tears left. It's totally bizarre. Where do they come from?!I think I'll become dehydrated or something...eeks! So, here ya go...

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go.

I'm standing here outside your door.

I hate to wake you up to say good-bye.

But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn

The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn

Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me

Tell me that you'll wait for me

Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane

I don't know when I'll be back again

Oh, babe, I hate to go

I'll be Stateside soon and I'm excited to see people...and NZ just you wait for the return of Heidi Genevieve Sattler.

Ouch,This Hurts...

2009-03-29T03:13:00.002-04:00

I leave in two sleeps. I have two days left here. Where did the time go? How did it get so late so soon? For the past week, I've been having a really tough time with saying good-bye to people or even trying to talk to them about "what's next" for me. They always ask me "Are you coming back?" and honestly...I sure hope so.I really don't feel as though God is done with my time here...He is for this present moment, but there is SUCH a great need here for Christians and pastors...and I'm game to step up and step in as soon as I can again.

I would ask that you would please keep me in your prayers over the next week or two as I not only leave New Zealand, but try to adapt to my home culture again...that's going to be an adjustment. Just to be sure I get this out...I am looking forward to seeing people...don't get me wrong, it's just tough when your heart wants to be somewhere else and you are where you are...a world away.

I don't understand how the whole time thing works. I was sharing with someone that it seems that until the "half way" point comes, time goes so slowly, but as soon as you hit the half way mark, everything goes by so fast. Why is it that something you want to last for a long time...just seems to pass you by more quickly.

I may or may not have been crying on the phone with my friend the other day and I said something like, "I'm not cut out for this" and he said "Heidi, this is proof that you are." I let that sink in for a while...

I can't even begin to explain how the experience has changed me. I have become more dependent on God and realize how much work there is still left for me to do...for God to do in and through me and I'm excited for the ride that I'm on.

I had my last Sunday at Shore Grace today. I, of course, had the water works turn on during one of the songs and then Pastor Mike pulled me up front to pray for me. He turns to me, as I wipe tears off of my tear stained face, and he said, "Do you want to say anything?" Well, yeah..there's a whole lot that I want to say,but can I physically get it out.

I stood there with the microphone in front of my face and I struggled to get a word out as I gasped for air in between tears. I couldn't help but look at "my boys" (my core teenagers-5 of 8 teenage guys that were there). Anytime I looked at them, I cried...Just as I was getting ready to share, here come my five boys to stand by me and to support me. That's why I was here...

I'm not done here.

I've Lived in Six Places...

2009-03-19T19:52:00.002-04:00

It's pretty crazy that my time here is nearly done.I try to escape the fact that I'm leaving soon, but I just can't. People keep telling me "You have so much time left," but I really don't and I have to prepare myself to head home in 11 days...that's mental. Since I've been here, I have had numerous people come into my life and impact it in ways that are far beyond anything that I could have ever imagined.

It boggles my mind that since being here, I have lived in six different places...I've been here for 6.5 months...that's a lot of moving around and a lot of living out of my suitcase...woot woot!About a month ago, I was worried as to where I was going to live for the last 2.5 weeks that I'm here...and the Mackay's stepped in and said that they would love to have me. I LOVE this family...they are literally like a home away from home...I've never felt more welcome or loved...that's what this family has given me. I have loved living with them for the past week and I have another week and a half with them.

Rod and Jan Mackay are some of the best examples of what selfless loving is all about. They are sacrificial in a way that I haven't seen before. They have three sons. James (17), Rick (16), and Sam (13). I love these boys. I feel like their older sister and that blesses me in itself! Yesterday, we had the opportunity to go to James' first rugby match. He wears #9 (hence the picture) and yes, he has a mullet...a typical hairstyle here. Rick, Sam, and I had a little photoshoot while Jan took Sophie (their dog) for a nice little walk.

It will break my heart to leave them, but I so look forward to seeing where the boys end up and hearing about how many more people Rod and Jan get to minister to.

James #9...he gave me the nickname "Heidi Face" which I am now called...or to shorten it, they don't call me Heidi, but they call me "Face." True story.
Rick (L) and Sam (R) playing on a little playground. Rick told me that I looked too excited to see a playground...and then I got on the swing and went as high as I could..with a big grin on my face. Nice to know that some things won't ever change.

The Way Life Should Be.

2009-03-11T06:11:00.004-04:00

Each State has a motto. Maine's motto: "The Way Life Should Be." Weird to think about. In three weeks, I'll be hopping on a plane and heading home to the great white north...also known as aroostook county. Many things are going through my head right now...I'm trying to process as much as I can...I'm trying to do as much as I can...I'm trying to stay focused and not check out, but honestly that can be quite the challenge.

I'm still having a blast over here. I love my teens. We made Bible Study t-shirts tonight...the Bible study is called "Laundromat" so my friend Evy designed the stencils and we did that tonight...put it this way...teens with spray paint...eeks! I now have perma-pink-purple hands...awesome!

I've had the opportunity to live at the Fussner house while they have been in the States and I've been able to spend tons of quality time with Emily and Evy...two of my favorite people over here. I have to say, I've loved the "family feel" that I get when I'm around them. It's like they are an extension to my family in the States...so that's awesome! I was talking with another American today about how when I see him in the States, I know that we'll pick up right where we left off because we experienced this together, so I know that there will always be that bond...if that makes any sense.

So...I'm doing well. I am definitely not looking forward to leaving, but I am looking forward to being home in the cold (okay,slight lie), and I'm ready to see my family and friends and to look on ahead to the next chapter.

It may not be "the way life should be." Instead, I like to look at it as "The way life could be."

Birthdays Birthdays...

2009-03-05T23:39:00.004-05:00

This week my parents both had their birthdays. If I had gone home in February,then I would have been able to celebrate with them. For Mom's birthday I wanted to do something in her honor over here. So, what did I pick? Bungee jumping.

The first bungee jump actually took place in New Zealand, so when I was making a list of all the things that I wanted to do over here, bungee jumping made the list. I thought to myself, “I doubt I’ll even end up doing it, but put it on there.” Then, I became a person who wanted to do everything that she had put on that list…so I called this morning (March 1st in the States) and made the booking. My friend Evan came with me as well. Hey, at least I didn’t have to do it by myself.

As soon as I hung up the phone, I got nervous. Evy and I drove into the city to bungee jump off the harbor bridge. We were petrified, but so excited at the same time. We got all harnessed up and started to walk under the bridge to face our doom. As we were walking and I could see the water through the walkway, I started to get freaked out. I was actually going to do this…no turning back now. It reminded me of the song “I have decided to follow Jesus” except it would be “I have decided to bungee jump. No turning back. No turning back.” It pretty much fits if you sing it through in your head.

I was first up (of course) and went out to the ledge. The guy counted down from five and I leapt off the edge. I dove down and my arms went into the Pacific. How crazy was that?! I bobbed three times and then released my feet so that I was dangling from my waist harness. The view was unbelievable and I even managed to scream “happy birthday Mom!” while I was down there.

For my dad's birthday, I decided to climb an inactive volcano. I have seen Mt. Rangitoto several times since being here, it is one of many volcanoes that are around Auckland. I had it in my mind that I needed to climb it, so on Dad's birthday I took a ferry to Rangitoto and climbed up to the summit where I took the picture from above. Gorgeous!

Mark that off of my list of things to do. I’m different. I’m seizing every opportunity. I don’t want to turn back and regret time…so I’m going to make the most of it!

What's on your mind?

2009-02-19T21:42:00.002-05:00

You know what's funny? People often ask me, "What are you going to do next?" I love how people ask me that, as if I definitely know what I'll be doing...I wish it were that simple. However, I do believe that God is leading, guiding, and directing me to do His ministry and His will wherever my feet will take me...and I must say, where it may scare others...I get so pumped about it!

I'm praying about going to South Korea in September/October to teach English for two years. People say that I'm crazy,but I look at it as another ministry field, another way to build relationships, another way to be stretched, another way to share my faith, another way to show Christ in my daily life...why wouldn't I want to go?If you would pray about this for me...that would be muchly appreciated.

I have just over a month left in New Zealand. That is absolutely mental! Time certainly has flown by, but I wouldn't have changed anything...my time here has been definitely the biggest adventure of my life, it has stretched me in so many ways that I can't even begin to count, and it's not done yet..that's the best part! I know that my ministry here isn't done...that excites me.

I came across this passage today as I was reading...and it's very common, but if you really read through it and dig into what it's saying...oh my, it's powerful. Be encouraged.

"To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy-to the only God our Saviour, be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen."

How powerful is that?! He can keep us from falling...He presents us before His presence and with joy! The "Only God"...the only one...give him glory, majesty, power, authority...and note the exclamation point at the end!

Be blessed and be a blessing.

Prune

2009-02-18T17:06:00.004-05:00

If you're a person who likes to plant things, you may have to get out the shears and remove all the dead parts of the plant or bush. Pruning is the process of removing certain above-ground elements from a plant. This process usually includes removal of diseased, non-productive, or otherwise unwanted portions from a plant.

Random topic I know, but I was reading in John 15 yesterday and I came across the passage that talks of God being the vine and we are the branches. It says in verse 2, "He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."

I looked at this and thought, "God is pruning me." As a Christian, it is my aim to be fruitful and to do what the Lord has called me to do. However, sometimes things can creap in and cause us to get things that need to be pruned...things that are diseased, dead, or unwanted in our Christian faith/walk. So what does God do? He prunes us. Some people need more pruning than others and some don't even realize that pruning needs to take place, so they have let those unwanted portions get overgrown...but God comes in with his shears and prunes it away...He wants it to be fruitful and multiply.

Have you allowed God to prune you lately? Or...are you trying to do the pruning yourself? If we remain in Him, then He remains in us...so, let God do the pruning and let us be fruitful.

Reunion Adventure...

2009-02-16T20:02:00.003-05:00

For those of you that have been faithful readers...thank you. To those of you who haven't been...you can totally catch up!Anyways...I have been really excited for the month of February to come. I met this really neat kid at camp in America. We'll call him...David Freakin Bosma. He's quite the character and we bonded at camp. Anyways...he's a kiwi and I wanted to see him when I was here.Well folks...this past Sunday I had the honor of seeing Dave again! It had been five months since we had seen each other. He's moved up to Auckland to attend Bible college and trust me, there will be more adventures with the great, the famous, David Freakin Bosma.
I'm not about to go on a lame adventure...so where did we go? We went to the coromandel peninsula...which is about 2.5-3 hours south of Auckland. Me, Brent, Evy, Michelle, and Dave hopped into the soccer mom mini van (Brent's wheels) and we headed south, but not for the winter...We spent the night on Sunday night and the next day the boys went to a hot water beach to go surfing, while Michelle and I hiked to Cathedral's Cove...where Prince Caspian was filmed. Later we went to a beach in a town that I can't pronounce so I'm not even going to try...and I really wanted to try something new...and Dave brought a skim board...so what did I do? Well, after trying a few times (more like 20), I managed to have my feet slip out from under me and I went tumbling to the ground..while Dave said, "No one falls on their first try." Yeah right...well, I succeeded at skimboarding...I wasn't great and it doesn't come naturally, but it's defs something that I want to do again. Thanks Dave.

This was the a picture taken at the cove.

This is actually where they filmed the opening scene of Prince Caspian where the kids enter into Narnia for the first time...watch the movie and you'll see.

From L to R: David Freakin Bosma, Me, Kim Gower. We all met at Camp Ladore in the summer of '08. I have been able to hang out with Kim quite a bit since being here and now that Dave is finally up in Auckland, I have no doubt that I'll be hanging out with him quite a bit.

Something crazy to think about...I was originally supposed to be flying home to the States tomorrow Feb. 18th, but I changed my flight to March 31st. How crazy is that to think about?!

Be blessed and be a blessing.

A Visit from ME to NZ

2009-02-09T21:11:00.004-05:00

This past week...I got quite the blessing. My pastor and his family came over from the States. They had two days in Auckland, so I definitely took advantage of that time with them. I think it would be safe to say that every person that lives overseas dreams of that time where someone from their hometown that means a lot to them...comes to visit them and see who they minister to, work with, and who they have come to love. That's why having the Burns family here was such an enormous blessing.

They flew in on Tuesday morning at 6 am, so I met them at the airport (after having an energy drink) and led them to their hotel in Takapuna. Unfortunately the hotel wouldn't let them in until later that afternoon, so they went up to the Yates' house for a nap. Later, they sat with Reuben, Tom, Phil, and I and we went over the Kiwi sayings...what a hoot!

That night, I had invited quite a few people who mean tons to me...to come up for a BBQ at the Yates house to meet my pastor and his family. Talk about another blessing. These people showed up to meet my pastor, but they showed me how much they care about me. Thanks guys! After a long night of fun, fellowship, and food, the Burns headed back to their hotel only to have a few hours of sleep until our next adventure.

The next day, I met them at 8:30 am (they like early!) and we headed to the skytower. I hadn't done this yet, so I was stoked! We went up, taking tons of pictures, watching people bungee off as well, and just enjoyed the sites. We then headed to Victoria Markets, but not before we stopped off at Starbucks for a tasty treat...can't take the American out of us, that's for sure. We then headed to Parnell rose gardens because I knew that Randall would totally appreciate this aspect of New Zealand beauty...as he has a green thumb.

Later in the evening, I took them to Muriwai beach to see the gannets as well as a New Zealand sunset. It truly was such a blessing to share part of this experience with them. They now know who I've worked with, who I love, and why it will be so hard for me to leave here. What a blessing!

Why do I Doubt?

2009-01-26T20:34:00.002-05:00

God never ceases to amaze me. I guarantee that He looks down and must get a chuckle out of the fact that we, as humans, panic. We let things of this world influence our thoughts and how our lives should be, when in reality, we should just be trusting God to take care of us because He says that He will do that. I want to thank those who have been so supportive of me over the past week...your notes of encouragement have come at the perfect time and for that I am forever grateful.Thank you for your kind words, prayers, hugs, and smiles.They have warmed my heart, so I thank you.

Since my last post...God has shown up...yet again...as He always does. I have had offers to live with people for little to no cost, I have had breakthroughs with those that I live with...including them affirming my call to being here.That was so great for me to hear.I have also had some money that has come from unexpected people...thank you!I should be good to go for the remainder of my time here.

I remember talking to my parents on Sunday morning. I've been calling them a lot lately... :) They shared how a lady from my previous church called "randomly" to see if all of my money had come in and that she wanted to donate some to me. They praised God. Then I called and shared with them that I am an example of the phrase, "Even when we are faithless, God is faithFUL." I give thanks and praise to Him.

Be blessed and be a blessing to someone in need...
Heidi

I Fall at Your Feet...

2009-01-23T21:43:00.002-05:00

It's hard for me to think how long I've been in New Zealand...four and a half months...time has flown by.If I hadn't changed my flight, I would be leaving in about two and a half weeks...but thankfully I still have just over two months left here!In the time here, I have learned so much, experienced so much, and grown so much...but unfortunately not all the growing is positive.

Over the past two weeks, I have had a lot of difficult things happen to me.I have also had positive things happen, but I honestly feel like all of a sudden, a wall is coming down.I've had issues with finances, my lease in my flat is up Feb. 11th and I don't have anywhere to go, relationships have changed, my car is having issues...and honestly, I reached a point the other night where my car stalled at a light (it's an automatic) and I just broke down and my friend started praying at me...not with me, but at me..cause I was just losing it.

I've reached a point where I am sick for home...I think that there are two different kinds of homesickness.I have experienced the "I really wish you were here,but I'm content being here on my own," but the other night, I broke...I finally felt "I am not okay without you being here." I have missed the comfort of home and the feeling of a family.It's different when you live with three girls and you don't get the "family" feel.When my car broke down the other night, I came home and stood in my living room sobbing because I wanted to hear my dad's voice...he's so good with cars that I knew he would know what to do...but he finally felt miles away...a world away.

I called my parents yesterday and spoke with them for nearly two hours.It was so worth it.They have really been such a huge support system for me and for that I am forever grateful.There are times when I get worried about finances for the remainder of my time here,I get worried about what the ministry will look like when I'm gone, worry whether or not my car will make it, but through it all,I am seeking peace from God and trying to believe in faith.

People told me that when I came over here that I would face difficult times, but in the book of John it says that through this life we will have troubles, but take heart for He has overcome the world.I am trying to have that attitude...as I battle to take every thought captive...

Please keep me in your prayers and please know that I am okay.
I appreciate your support.

Tom Tom

2009-01-13T21:25:00.003-05:00

Early this morning I received a message saying that one of my teens, the pastor's son, Tom, was being airlifted to the hospital after suffering from a rock hitting his head as he and his brother and close friend Phil were climbing a mountain. I instantly got on the phone to get people to pray. Throughout the day, I have had numerous people pray for Tom and I would ask that you would continue to do that.

In this photo are Reuben (Tom's brother), me, Tom, and Dom.

After just getting off the phone with his dad and brother Reuben, I learned that Tom is stable in the hospital about an hour and a half outside of Auckland, in Hamilton. The rock was five fists put together and it hit him right on the head, breaking teeth, and causing a fracture in his skull. They managed to keep him conscious the entire time that they were waiting for the chopper to come and pick him up.

He has gone through tests and this text from his mom just came in, "Tom has a big skull fracture. The wound was tricky to stitch but the Dr did an awesome job! Waiting for the facial specialist to arrive and give advice. He's sleeping peacefully. Very aware of God's intervention."

Please keep Tom in your prayers as well as his family: Mike and Michelle (parents), Reuben, Anna, and Josh. As well, please keep Phil and Hans in your prayers as well as Phil saw everything that happened. I've talked to both Phil and Reubs and both seem to be doing well and I had the opportunity to pray with them.

God is faithful and protective.We covet your prayers at this time.

Blessings.

Break My Heart

2009-01-12T17:16:00.002-05:00

This past weekend, the annual youth camp "Ignite" was held. I was put in charge of all of the games and activities for the weekend.I had a blast putting things together and once the teams were decided, they too had a blast participating in the activities. The weekend consisted of team challenges, small group activities, but more importantly, challenging the teens in their relationship with Christ.

My friend Brent presented the Word and honestly, I got the hugest blessing out of messages.I love being challenged when it comes to loving people and in taking steps to imitating Christ more. I appreciate when people don't sugarcoat things, but when they are totally real with you...and that's what Brent did. He presented the Scripture in a way that was relevent to the teens as well as the leaders.

One of the topics that he spoke about was to not miss out on any opportunity because you never know who you could meet and what kind of impact you could have.That's what I did this weekend...I was determined to not miss out on an opportunity.

One of my teens has really been heavy on my heart for the past two months.I have been praying that he will come to know Christ and own his faith.He was thankfully able to attend camp and I was praying so hard that God would really start to break his heart, just as God had broken my heart for this teen.

When I first arrived in New Zealand, I forced myself to stay awake so that I could meet my teens that I would be working with. When this teen walked in, I didn't think that I would ever get along with him. He was a "pretty boy" and I typically didn't hang out with "pretty boys," so I knew that this would be a challenge. However, after being here three months and seeing the way that he interacts with people, he has such a massive heart. It's a heart that is hidden by hurt, because he cares too much.

I remember growing up, and even still today, people telling me "Heidi, you have a rare heart. You hurt because you care too much." My teen is the same way. After the last service at camp, I ran after my teen to talk with him. We sat down for about twenty minutes and after sharing Scripture with him and talking to him about my experiences and what I see in him, he broke. We stood up and he gave me a hug that lasted for the longest time and it was the tightest hug that I have ever received. He leaned on my shoulder crying as I prayed for him.

God is moving...and it is such a blessing to play a small part. I hope that this encourages you to seize every opportunity that you can because you never know what you could potentially miss out on or who you could potentially not bless because of your own fear.

So this is the New Year...

2009-01-01T20:04:00.004-05:00

New Years in New Zealand. This picture was taken of the Sky Tower in Auckland from Devonport.They shut the lights off of the sky tower (which was all white) and then they had the fireworks actually shoot out from the sky tower. That was intense! A group of us went down to watch the fireworks and I had the pleasure of spending New Year's Eve with my flatmate Michelle and her brother Cameron who had come up for the weekend. Usually in Maine, we watch the fireworks from Times Square via television, so it was quite the experience to be watching them from the city. It was definitely something to mark down in my books.

As it is New Years, I have a list of things that I want to do this year...or at least for the next three months. My friend Brent gave me this amazing Christmas present. He gave me a "Heidi's Adventure List" to get me motivated to do things while I'm here for three months. Thanks pal!These are the adventures that I hope to tackle before I head home at the end of March.

*Sheer a sheep
*Milk a cow
*Climb Mt. Rangitoto (inactive volcano)
*Wellington (capital of NZ)
*Cathedral's Cove (filmed Prince Caspian)
*See a kiwibird
*Hold a lion cub
*Cliff jumping
*Pier jumping
*Go camping
*Chase a Pokeku
*The Luge
*Bungee jumping
*Baptized in the Pacific
*Attempt surfing
*See a dolphin
*Fishing
*Zoo
*Sky Tower
*Learn how to play netball
*Pick up a hitch hiker
*Take the bus (scary thought)
*Rotorua

We'll see how many of these I get to do!Come along my adventure!

Bowlin Bunch

2008-12-29T14:22:00.000-05:00

I have never been very good at good-byes. In fact, that is one thing that I am constantly not improving on. No matter how many times people leave or I leave a place, I end up crying and feeling so broken-hearted. I remember when I first came over here, I met Josh Bowlin. He had come up to lead youth group at Shore Grace. He was awesome. The following week, I met his wife Becca and their two daughters, Caile and Averie. I can honestly say that I have never seen two more beautiful little girls.

The Bowlin family have been over here for two years doing missionary work through Global Partners. At our first Global Partners meeting, I knew that I was going to connect well with Becca. I was new to the environment and the people and she was there with a smile on her face and a warm heart. I knew that I had found a life-long friend when it came to ministry.
From that day on, any chance that I got to hang out with the Bowlins, I took. They became not only family, but really close friends in a short amount of time. Being able to be a part of watching their two adorable girls grow up has been remarkable and such a blessing. I will forever cherish the time that I was able to spend with them.

The Bowlin family left today to go back to Indiana to do home mission for a year. They are appointed as career missionaries to New Zealand and so they have to go back over and raise support to cover their four years in New Zealand that they will hopefully start this coming September. I am so excited for them, but a part of me hurts at the same time.

I could not help but think that I am the next one leaving. I have been here for three and a half months and I only have three more left. The time has seriously flown by and that makes me incredibly sad. Walking into that airport today was petrifying because I knew that in a short while, I would be doing that same thing, except I don’t know when/if I will be coming back.

The Bowlins had tons of people show up to the airport to send them off. That was such a huge blessing and an encouragement to see. I hope that I have the same thing happen to me as well. I am starting to learn that ministry is difficult. There will be people coming in and out of your life so frequently and you just have to adapt to it. I am not great at that. I am very empathic toward people, so that does not help in the process.

As much as it broke my heart to see them happy to go, I could not help but be glad for them at the same time. When I hugged Josh he said, “I’ll see you back here,“ and I said, “I don’t know if I’m coming back.“ He said, “You’re coming back.“ We will have to see about that. The last hug today was from Becca. We both looked at each other and just started crying. She said, “Stop that!” and I said the same thing back to her. A piece of their heart is left in New Zealand and a piece of my heart is left with the Bowlin family.

Connections

2008-12-27T20:51:00.003-05:00

This past summer, I was able to meet four kiwis...Kim, Lizzie, Dave (shout out), and Sam. Kim lives in Auckland and I had been wanting to get together with her since I have been here...well, yesterday my wish was granted!Rach and I headed over to Kim's house in Beachlands..which is by the beach..go figure...and we met her family and drove to Clevedon to get ice cream. It was so bizarre to be in Clevedon because it actually resembled my hometown, Houlton.

Later, Brent came over as well as Kim's boyfriend Jake. It was so nice to be around Kim. We were able to talk about camp, so it was super awesome that she knew who I was talking about and it may seem weird, but it seemed like a little piece of home and comfort. We ate dinner with her family (who are flipping amazing) and then later went out into the ocean, the pacific..yeah that's right.

A few went water skiing, but I'm not brave enough for that yet, but I did manage to go tubing. I went tubing in the Pacific...crazy. I didn't hold on for too long because I didn't have that great of a grip and for those of you that remember the banana boat from summer, I'm not too keen on water things like that..as it usually ends up with me being embarrassed for a little while. It was so wonderful to be around a Christian family and to make connection with Kim and her friends.

On another note, I need your prayer for something. I'm really wanting to be stretched when it comes to my ministry...I feel as though I need to start branching out way more than I currently am.So please pray that God will give me boldness and the courage to step up and reach out for Him.I'm here for ministry and I want to be doing that...not just with Christians, but with non-Christians.

Pray for me and I'll pray for you.How's that sound?

Blessings.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T02:42:00.002-05:00

Christmas in New Zealand...my family away from my family. The fussners (Beth, Jeff(santa), and Emily, Bowlins (Becca, Josh, Caile, Averie), Back- Sara, Rachel, Me, Brent. I was very thankful to spend Christmas with my extended family over here.

So many thoughts went through my head today. I couldn't help but watch the people around me and how they were or had planned to interact with their families, mostly via skype or telephone. It was a hard day. I guess that I thought that me leaving my family would be really tough on them around the holidays because they would know that a person was missing, and I thought that this was a new adventure and that if I were going to get homesick, then it wouldn't be that bad because I was experiencing something new and with new people.

However, my heart didn't feel the same way.It hit hard.While others were watching "The Nativity," my heart and mind were elsewhere...they were in New York with the rest of my family.I wanted to be there,doing the traditions that I have grown up with and sharing that special time with my family.I am so very thankful for my best friend Alicia who stuck by me...she even got her mom on the phone who started crying with me...I felt missed and that warmed my heart.

God constantly amazes me with how He changes my heart and attitude. Yes, I was sad today, but I was able to have a new experience and to share it with new people who mean so very much to me. To have so many people offer to take me in as the "orphan," really made me feel so special. I learned yet again that I am loved both near and far...

So thank you to all who made this Christmas special to me.Both near and far, wide and long, this Christmas will forever be in my memory...and I am forever grateful.

Pictures of White Water Rafing...

2008-12-20T20:26:00.002-05:00

White Water Rafting Escapades!

2008-12-20T04:47:00.000-05:00

Today was one of the most insane days of my life. Being in New Zealand, I have to take advantage of some of the one time experiences…so I decided to head up a group to go white water rafting. When I was coming up with it, all I could think was, “this is going to be AWESOME!” but then when we piled into the van, I had a huge fear come over me. I was petrified. What if I fell out of the boat and they couldn’t get to me? What if I had to wear a wetsuit? How embarrassing would that be?! Goodness…all of a sudden, I really didn’t want to go.
Unfortunately it was too late. I didn’t have a choice anymore. We kept driving to meet our fate…while I thought, I’m about to meet my Maker.

Anyways, we got a little lost on the way there (it was about a 2.5 hour van ride) and it had started to sprinkle rain. We pulled up to the place and I was instantly nervous. There would be no turning back now. We walked into the office, signed a form that said “you can’t sue us if something horrible happens to you,” and we were handed none other than…our wetsuits and booties. Oh dear…my fear…had become a reality.

I put the wet suit on with help from this random Indian girl. Thank you! And…we were off to get instructed. Josh Bowlin, Brent Dongell, Joanne McKinnel, Jean Wan, Rachel Nigro, and Heidi Sattler were in “Yellow Submarine” raft. We owned it. After being instructed, we carried our raft down to the river and set off for our adventure. I was nervous and I was scared that I would pee my pants out of sheer fear. We headed down the first little rapid…not too shabby. Oh, did I forget to mention that we were going on class 5 rapids? Yeah, there are 6 classes…we were on 5. Mental.

It didn’t take us long until we headed to the waterfall. You read that correctly…waterfall. 23 foot drop. Oh my goodness (said in Brent’s voice). We stood up in the boat before we went over…to see what we were about to face. My legs were shaking from nerves, so I quickly sat back down. We were told to “get done” which meant “squish your body into the little holes so that you don’t die” places. We did that and held on for dear life. I guess that I didn’t realize that I could have seriously injured myself. All that I remember is going down the waterfall and being totally submerged, but there was NO way that my hands were letting go of the ropes. Rachel ended up falling out, grabbing ahold of Josh’s paddle and he pulled her up. “Just like Santa” she kept saying. We continued down the river and hit some more wild rapids and ended up soaking wet. Honestly…I haven’t had that much fun in forever…so good!

When we were at the end of our journey, everyone was told to pile out of the boat. I put one leg over…and keep in mind that I hadn’t fallen into the river yet. I put one leg over and then lost my balance and “BOOM!” I fell backwards…literally, on my butt and back..into the water. Just as we were getting out of the river. Leave it to me. That was a repeat of what happened when my friend Kyle and I went canoeing and I fell in when we were docking.

After that adventure, we decided to go to the hot river. I don’t know exactly what it’s called, but it’s a creek that is hot from the thermal heat underneath. So, literally…my skin turned red from the water being so hot. It was so crazy. Here I was, sitting in a stream and it was so hot that I had to move to the colder side of the stream. How crazy!

All in all…one of the best days that I’ve had here…so many adventures with such great people! It is definitely something that I will remember for the rest of my life. Oh, and did I mention that I went white water rafting in New Zealand

He is the Lord your God

2008-12-15T04:55:00.005-05:00

I don't know about you, but I love my Bible. Okay, so that is probs the typical answer from a missionary, but seriously...I mean it. I love it. I love how I have sermon notes throughout my Bible from years back and how I have papers inserted into my Bible that have quotes or sermon ideas written on them. When I was gone a while back on a weekend retreat, I was handed a piece of paper that had lyrics to a song written on it.

So, today I just really wasn't feeling myself...and I could tell and I'm sure others could as well.I'm starting to feel drained...I feel drained in every capacity and I hate that feeling. I had a little spell of food poisoning, so my body really hated me. We had just gotten done doing an outreach event at the church. I'm trying to get things sorted for camp. And I had something come up last week that just really set my mind thinking...so I wasn't feeling myself...at all.I'm usually quite perky and fun, but today...I just wasn't.

Later on, I was looking through my Bible and came across a few verses, but then the blue piece of paper caught my eye. I opened it up and here were these words:

When you pass through the water

He will be with you

When you pass through the rivers

They will never overflow

When you walk through the fire

The flames will not burn you

For He is the Lord your God.

He will lead the blind

In a way they cannot see now

In paths they do not know

He will lead them

He will cut through the darkness

And He'll shine the light before them

He will smite the rugged places

And smooth them into plains

These are the things He will do

He will not leave them undone

These are the things He will do

For He is the Lord

He is the Holy One

When you walk through the valley

He will walk beside you

When the wind blows against you

He will be your shield

Who shall you fear?

When God is on your side

He is the Lord your God.

The line, "When you pass through the rivers, they will not overflow" really caught my eye. Even though I am feeling drained and want to throw in the towel in some regard, God knows what He's doing. He has my back. He doesn't give me more than I can handle...and He won't let this overflow. Such a good reminder.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Quotes and Thoughts...

2008-12-10T06:57:00.003-05:00

Being a studious well, student...I was working on my last directive homework tonight at a coffee shop in downtown Auckland with two good friends.It was such a neat little experience. I love the feel of an internet cafe and this one had a very "homey" feeling to it. So back to the assignment...I've been dreading doing this last assignment just because it's so much reading and sorry,but I wasn't keen to do it...so I've kind of put it off until two weeks before it was due.

I know what some of you are thinking, "you have plenty of time!" Well, I'm not a procrastinator, so this is pretty bad for me. Anyways, I drank my flat white (their normal coffee over here) at 10:15 pm (bad idea because now I'm still wide awake and it's 1 am) and sat down with my computer and book in hand.

So, I opened the book with the thought that "Ugh,I just have to get this done." Little did I know what treasures I would find...I'm doing my directive on the book of Romans, so I've had to read through the book of Romans several times and do some written work for it as well.This is a quote that really got me thinking...I'm wondering what your thoughts are on the subject.

“The obedience of Christians to the Lord who has redeemed them is vital to the gospel Paul preaches. Thus we must avoid two theological extremes: separating faith from obedience in such a way that we can have the one without the other, or identifying them in such a way that obedience is minimized.”

How would we separate faith from obedience? Don't the two go hand in hand...or shouldn't they? Is it possible to have one without the other?Is our faith ever minimized and our obedience maximized?

Another thought that was brought up was that "we grow cavalier toward our sin because we think God will simply overlook it out of his love for us in Christ."What gives us the right to think like that?How do we change that way of thinking?Better yet, how do we address this when it comes to other people?

Just some thoughts...feedback welcome.

Be blessed and be a blessing.

It's Beginning to Feel Somewhat Like Christmas

2008-12-07T04:35:00.003-05:00

New Zealand is hot. Maine is cold. New Zealand has sand. Maine has snow. New Zealand has palm trees. Maine has pine cones. New Zealand has surfing. Maine has sledding. New Zealand has skinny Santa that wears shorts. Maine has a fat Santa who can't fit down a chimney.

Things are different here. It's Christmas, but it certainly doesn't feel like it. Well, it didn't anyway. Being able to walk outside in a shirt and pair of shorts wearing jandals just doesn't seem right when I know people back home are all freezing. I must say that I don't mind, but when it comes to Christmas,it just doesn't feel the same. It's different. Not a bad different, but just different.

So, to help get me in the Christmas spirit, I've purchased an advent calendar and today I went out and bought a Christmas tree with some decorations. Ornaments that people are sending me will be placed on this tree soon! Now that I have a Christmas tree up and I'm listening to Christmas tunes, it makes it feel like Christmas on the inside of the house even if it's 75 degrees outside of the house.

New Zealand is home. Maine is home.

So Far Away...

2008-12-03T04:22:00.003-05:00

I remember growing up and having my parents introduce "good music" to me. Carole King was big on the list. I remember learning lyrics that say,

"So far away. Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore.
It would be so fine to see your face at my door.
Doesn't help to know, you're just time away.
Long ago I reached for you and there you stood.
Holding you again could only do me good.
How I wish I could, but you're so far away."

Some of you are reading this and thinking, "Oh geez, Heidi's cracked. She's homesick." I wouldn't say that I'm homesick, it's just different to have had Thanksgiving pass and to have a different family around me (one that I am extremely grateful for) and to head into Christmas. I'm going to be honest...it does not feel like Christmas. There's no snow, there are barely Christmas lights, I don't have a tree, I don't have a radio to hear Christmas music, and people here just celebrate completely different. So, I miss coming home from uni and having the house all decked out and digging through ornaments that I've made since I was about four years old.

However, I realize that I can either look at this negatively or be encouraged and challenged by it and look at it with a positive attitude. Which do you think I'm doing? I mean, honestly...I'm on the opposite side of the world learning how to celebrate in a different way. Jesus is still the same no matter which side of the equator I'm on. And when I go through those "I miss familiarity. I miss friends. I miss family." moments, I turn to the verse that I just found the other day. Acts 17:27 "He is not far from any of us." That's so true. No matter where you end up in your lifetime or who you're with...He isn't far from any of us. Any.That's amazing to me. What a promise.Thank You, Lord.

Adaptation or Abandoment?

2008-11-27T06:09:00.001-05:00

Something that I’m finding interesting and picking up on more and more is the difference in language. Having grown up in a Christian family, I realize that a lot of my morals are based on what my parents taught me and how I was brought up. Growing up, my parents told me not to drink, do drugs, have sex, and use profanity. Swearing in my family was a definite no-no.
In high school, people knew that I didn’t party and that I didn’t swear. If you were to ask someone that I went to high school with about me, I would guarantee that they would say something about me being the “Christian girl” or the “goody two shoes.” I took pride in the fact that people knew what I stood for.

Coming to a different culture, I obviously encounter differences in language or even in meaning. Growing up with swearing not being allowed or looked at really negatively, I never would have dreamt to swear, especially not in front of a complete stranger. Each week, I help out with a Christian after school program called “Champions.” It runs from 2-5 pm on Thursday afternoons.

Today I was in charge of making the sandwiches (using three loaves of bread), cutting ten apples, cutting ten oranges, and making four bottles of juice. I had made Marmite sandwiches, which are disgusting, but I had to make them. The senior pastor’s son, Joshua, came up and grabbed a Marmite sandwich, and came up to me and said, “Why does this Marmite sandwich taste like ass?” I had to turn my head and ask him what he just said and he said it all over again.
I’m so blown away that profanity is acceptable here, even from a nine-year old, but in the States, in a Christian household it would be deemed unacceptable.

Why is that? What’s changed from culture to culture? What makes things acceptable here that are unacceptable back home? How do I determine what’s right and wrong to me while I’m here. If I’m to adapt to the culture, does that mean that I should include profanity because they don’t think that it’s wrong at all? Where do we draw the line from adaptation or abandonment of all that we’ve come to know and make our own?

Thoughts...

2008-11-26T04:32:00.003-05:00

It's awesome to see God move.What's even more awesome is to have God use you.

I've had quite the interesting week...I've taken this week to really get to know myself.I find that I'm constantly going and I had forgotten to take time to just sit and be still or even do something that I actually enjoy doing just for myself...so, I've been doing that and I must say that I've really been able to get to know myself that much more.Sometimes it can be a really scary process, but it helped me to think through some things and to also evaluate how I interact with other people.

Throughout the week, I've had several thoughts, both positive and negative, run through my mind...about if God was using me here, how He was using me here, what He had to teach me through certain circumstances, and if I was willing to listen and learn.Throughout the week, I've had people come into my path.I'm thankful that God puts people right in my path exactly when I need them...to either comfort, encourage, challenge, or just tell me when I'm being an idiot.So, thanks!

Be blessed and be a blessing.

Tough Question

2008-11-19T04:48:00.004-05:00

Last week I sat down with one of my mentors over here and he asked me a bunch of different questions, but one question that really stirred in my heart and head was, "When you leave, what do you want people to say about you?" What a wake up call.I mean,sure I've thought about it...who hasn't. When you meet someone new, you want to know what kind of impression you've made on them.

I sat there for a little bit just soaking in that question that he had asked. What DO I want people to say about me?I thought back to this guy Billy Borden.At a young age, Billy said, "I'm going to give my life to prepare for the mission field." His friends thought that he was crazy to give his life away to be a missionary,but he still pursued it. Billy entered college/uni already more spiritually mature than others. During his college years, Billy made one entry in his personal journal that defined what his classmates were seeing in him: "Say 'no' to self and 'yes' to Jesus every time."

Wow.Billy wrote 6 words at the back of his Bible: "No reserves. No retreats. No regrets." Billy left his inheritance (over a million dollars) to become a missionary (no reserves), after graduating college, he turned down several high paying job opportunities (no retreats), then he left for China to work with Muslims, but stopped in Egypt to study Arabic. While there, he contracted spinal meningitis. Within a month, 25 year old Bill Borden was dead.

What an example. So...back to that question of what I want people to say about me when I'm gone...I want them to say that they saw Jesus in me, that I didn't hold back, that I loved people to my capacity, that I was selfless, and that I provided hope to someone.

What about you...what do you want people to say about you?

We're Not in Kansas Anymore...

2008-11-16T19:53:00.003-05:00

I know that some of my readers are wondering just exactly I'm doing here in New Zealand...and I ask myself that same question at times, but God is so quick to remind me what I am doing here...

New Zealand. This place certainly wasn't on the top of my list for places to visit, but since being here I'm wondering why it was never really an option.You see, at school, studying Global Ministry (ministering overseas), I had to go on a 5-6 month internship somewhere overseas...go figure.So, I naturally wanted to go to some place like Swaziland and help with AIDS relief and just show people the love of Jesus. I hate how people treat those with AIDS as if they are the disease, rather than they just have a disease. There's a big difference there.

Anyways,my uni really likes when Global Majors go in partners on their internship, but again, I was dead set against that...I knew that if I went with someone else, then I wouldn't grow as much and I would somehow "cling" to them and hold myself back from what God wanted me to do...so, I was going by myself...that's the end of that.Then, I couldn't find a place to go...at all.I wanted to go someplace where they didn't speak English and where I would be stretched to the max...and then I ended up with New Zealand.

However, I was totally wrong...New Zealand is such a mission field. Yes, they speak English and yes, their culture is similar to the States...but this is such a mission field. When I walk in the mall and see people's faces, they look so sad and lost...they don't know the truth because it isn't well portrayed here.People honestly don't grasp the concept of church.

In the states, you wouldn't hold something on a Sunday because you would know that you wouldn't get a lot of people to come out to it, but here...they plan everything on Sundays, which makes those that attend church miss out on community activities and has them make a choice between church and activities.

Where this may not look like the "typical misisonary field," it is totally a mission field. I was skeptical at first, but with my living situation, with the teens that I work with, with the young adults that I'm coming in contact with...they need Jesus just as much as any other place in the world. This may seem like the "duh" answer, but it's clicking into my head. I guess you could say that I'm learning.

Be blessed and be a blessing.

Absence Does What Again?

2008-11-16T02:20:00.002-05:00

One of my good high school friends said that he missed me the other day...and I said, "Why is it that our friendship is stronger when we're so far apart?" To which he replied, "I think it's because, as cliche as it sounds, absence makes the heart grow fonder."I can't help but think that is such a geeky phrase...

Being a true geek, I looked up the word "fond" in the dictionary and it says: "cherished with strong or unreasoning feeling." I really like this definition because it rings true to how my heart is feeling at this moment. Being so far away from the people that I love has made me cherish the time that I speak with them that much more...and when I see their faces in pictures or on skype, I cherish that (in case you guys didn't know that).Since being here for two months, each of my closest friends have gone through something major. When things like that happen, I automatically want to be there.I've looked up plane tickets when two of my best friends lost their grandfathers...sad to say, it was just too expensive.

I think my problem stems from the whole "control" thing.I want control over things, especially where I am and who I can be with...but God has a different agenda...imagine that.I don't understand Him sometimes...why when my friends are going through really difficult times, do I have to be away from them?This is the typical "my heart is there, but my body isn't." My best friends in the States and in England are so worth it to me...I want to be there through everything...but I just can't. My heart is there,but my body isn't.

Is that fair though?By me thinking that way, am I taking too much of my heart away from being here...I have to be cautious of that...I wish I were a superhero that could be in two places at once...that would solve a lot of problems.

Through this, God teaches me yet another lesson...imagine that...He's teaching me that although I want to be there for my best friends through the pain and sorrow,I can't physically be there.I have to rely on God to take care of them and provide the comfort that I can't physically give. That's really tough for someone who is as stubborn as I am.I'm learning and growing more and more...

Don't wait for people to be absent to grow fond of them.

Choices

2008-11-13T04:43:00.000-05:00

Over the past three days,I've had some really interesting conversations. It's somewhat bizarre to me how I could have similar conversations/circumstances happen, but have them be around compeletely different people. These thoughts have pertained to things such as alcohol consumption, profanity, and just the morality in someone's life. Where do our morals come from?

I know that most people would say, "well,you learn morals from your parents." How true is that?I remember growing up and hearing this phrase: "It's not okay to do drugs. It's not okay to drink. It's not okay to have sex."So what did I do? I stayed away from all of those things because it was engrained in me that they were wrong. And though I still manage to find hurt, I don't intentionally go out seeking for it...so I stayed away from those scenes.

If a person hasn't been brought up like that or with loving parents, where do they learn their morals from? In such an immoral world, can we say that we get "morals" from the world? How much do we let people influence us? Where do you draw the line? How close is too close? Is there a certain level of "liberal" thinking that a Christian should have...or we will continue to be classified as "conservative Christians" that can't think outside the box. I've had someone say that to me...it's not just coming out of nowhere.

I love the fact that I'm changing...for real.
Something that I've thought about is that in every new experience that I'm in...I change. A part of me changes...develops into a hopefully better person.So, when I leave that new experience and return home, I've changed,but other people haven't or I may feel that they can't relate to me. So...it's almost presented me with a fear..thinking that I have to keep in close contact with people(granted I want to anyway) because I want them to be able to relate to me when I go back home...

I guess what it boils down to is that we are each presented with a choice.A choice of who will impact our lives...people come and people go, but it's up to us if we want their influence to do just that...influence our lives.Will hanging out with "this type" of people make me a better person or will it hinder me? Do people hinder?

Thoughts are welcome.
Be blessed and be a blessing.

Differences...

2008-11-09T21:24:00.004-05:00

So, obviously when you enter a different culture there will be differences. I've been here for two months and I'm starting to catch on to some of the differences and discovering new ones every day. My housemates often laugh at the way that I say things or wonder what I mean by a certain phrase that I say...who knew that Heidi was so complex?I like that...hah.

Here's a few:

*Flip flops=Jandals

*Sweet/Awesome= "Sweet as" I would often stand there and expect them to continue to say something, but nope..it's just "sweet as." You may think "Sweet as what?"...just "Sweet as"

*Friend=Mate

*Profanity is A-OK here...that's different.I won't go into detail on those words :)

*Grilled Cheese=Toastie

*They're used to eating spaghetti in a can and not actually making it...weird...at least my flatmates.

*The word "jerk" is a big insult here.

*Q-tips=Cotton Buds (I was so confused when I first went to find them)

*No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service=Barefeet are typical...and they come with grass stains...ew.

*Laundry=it's very uncommon to see dryers in households because it's so expensive, so drying racks and hanging clothes outside are in.It takes at least two days to do laundry.

*French Fries=Chips

*House at the camp=Bach (house at the beach...pronounced "Batch)

*Cookie=Biscuit

*Trunk to a car=Boot

*Woods=Forest or Bush

*Parking Lot=Car park

*Candy=Lollies

*Rice Krispies=Rice Bubbles

*Tired/Exhausted=Knackered,fagged out

These are just a few of the differences in language.It may not be learning a totally different language, but there are so many differences and they speak quickly...so it's challenging depending on how fast the person is speaking.

Enjoy!

Be blessed and be a blessing.

Remember Remember the Fifth of November

2008-11-04T17:10:00.000-05:00

Each culture has different traditions.Last week, Americans carved pumpkins...and in New Zealand today, we're celebrating Guy Fawkes day.Some of you may be asking, who is Guy Fawkes? Well,I'll glady share about this odd character.

Guy Fawkes was a part of the English Roman Catholic revolutionaries who planned to carry out the "gunpowder plot."This plot was an attempt by a group of religious conspirators to kill King James I of England, his family, and most of the aristocracy by blowing up the House of Lords in the Palce of Westminster during the State Opening of Parliament.Essentially, this guy, Guy Fawkes, (haha) was going to blow up Parliament.

The plotters realised that no outside help would be forthcoming unless they took action themselves. Fawkes and the other conspirators rented a cellar beneath the House of Lords having first tried to dig a tunnel under the building. This would have proved difficult, because they would have had to dispose of the dirt and debris. (No evidence of this tunnel has ever been found). By March 1605, they had hidden 1800 pounds of gunpowder in the cellar. Pretty brilliant.

One of the conspirators wrote a warning letter to Lord Monteagle, who received it on October 26th. The conspirators became aware of the letter the following day, but they resolved to continue the plot after Fawkes had confirmed that nothing had been touched in the cellar.So, the Lord began to search the cellar on November 5th.However, nothing was moved, in order not to alert the conspirators that the plot had been uncovered. Fawkes, who was resolved to blow himself up along with Parliament if need be, was seized as he attempted to ignite the powder charge. Peter Heywood, snatched the torch from his hand at the last instant. Fawkes was arrested and taken before the privy council where he remained defiant. When asked by one of the Scottish lords what he had intended to do with so much gunpowder, Fawkes answered him, "To blow you Scotch beggars back to your own native mountains!"

So, now, countries who have British roots, celebrate this man who was wanting to blow up Parliament, but was instead tortured for days and then hung. So what do they do? They have massive bonfires and set off fireworks in honor of Guy Fawkes. Weird, eh?

Many popular contemporary verses were written in condemnation of Fawkes. The most well-known verse begins:
“Remember, remember the fifth of November,
The gunpowder, treason and plot,
I know of no reason
Why the gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.”

So remember the fifth of November.

P.S. V for Vendetta is about Guy Fawkes.

Don't Settle

2008-11-02T22:12:00.000-05:00

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
Proverbs 16:3

Today, I had the opportunity to talk with two of my good friends back home.One of them shared with me this verse and I have to say, I've fallen in love with it.

I tried to break it down. "Commit to the Lord whatever you do." Done...er, wait...everything? Everything I do I have to commit to the Lord?Hmm...even cleaning?Dang...when I think about everything that I do and commiting it all to the Lord...would it honor Him or would it hurt Him?Dang...wake up call.

The second half of the verse is quite powerful as well... "and your plans will succeed." So, let me get this straight, if I commit everything that I do to the Lord, then my plans will succeed? Does that mean the plans that I commit or "whatever I do?" Does that mean that when I commit everything to God...my speech, my actions, my heart..then he'll make my plans succeed and does that mean that until I do those things, then my plans won't succeed?It seems like such a simple verse, but when you try to get at the core, there's so much more truth behind it.Intense.

Can I be honest?I hate it when people settle.Not "settle down," but when they cut short the things that they can do with their lives. They stay at home and live with their parents, they don't go to uni, they don't do things that will better themselves and further their trust and faith in God. It absolutely drives me nuts when I hear how people settle for second best. They settle for what's comfortable...but it says right here, "Commit whatever you do and your plans will succeed." So...stop being scared of taking a leap of faith for Christ.That's something that I am constantly reminding myself of.

Leap.Get uncomfortable.Put yourself in a position where you're petrified...and God will blow your mind.

Clumsy

2008-11-01T07:40:00.000-04:00

I already know what my parents are thinking, "Heidi's hurt herself again," but rest assured that I have not. I have however come across something else...

I've always been very clumsy...especially when it comes to my ankles.I've had one ankle surgery already and I injured my other ankle quite badly this past summer...so my ankles pretty much are a mess.

Because I have such bad ankles, it hurts very badly to be in the kneeling position and trying to sit on them.It makes them be at an awkward angle..haha ankle angle (sorry...lame).So, with that problem, it only allows me a few minutes before I'm in thriving pain in both of my ankles.It used to be just one, but since the last injury,it's now both.

This is so frustrating.I just want to kneel before the Lord, but I physically can't. It hurts far too much.I'm going to be praying that God would heal the interior of my ankles and make it pain-free for me to kneel.Please keep me in your prayers as this is a way that I want to worship God and physically can't.

That's what I get for being clumsy.

The Cry of my Heart

2008-10-30T19:36:00.000-04:00

Abba Father,
I don't know where to start.My heart is full...full of joy, full of happiness, full of thankfulness, full of gratitude, full of adventure, full of excitement.God, I know that You have placed me here for a purpose...and though that purpose may not be entirely clear to me right now, I will not lose hope that I am here to help transform lives...even if it's in the smallest way possible.

God,I cry out to you for help.I want to be a woman of God that has rough knees.Please give me more of a servant's heart.Help me to be selfless for You and that when I do serve people that I give You all the glory and honor and praise for it.God, people need to know what real love is in a world where all they've known are lies.Help me to show them real love.Help me to be bold when I'm scared.Help me to be daring when I'm frightened.Help me acknowledge Your work more and more each day.Help me to be positive when I feel like failure.Help me to find my self worth in You and not in what man tells me.Where I could see a negative thing, help me to see something beautiful.

Rid me of myself and make me fall at Your feet.You are so holy.That word amazes me and doesn't even do justice to how huge You are to me.Help me to feel Your presence wherever I am.Help me to love when it's uncomfortable.Be my comfort when I'm hurting.Be my source for wisdom.Be my passion when I've lost it.Be my smile when I am sad.Be my arms when someone needs a hug.Be my Dad when mine is miles away.Be my hope in a hopeless world.Be my laughter when people have forgotten how to laugh.Fill me up when I am dry.Be my heart, God.Help me to love without needing/wanting anything in return.Help me to be a blessing to those around me.

Make me selfless.

"Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. For your name's sake, O Lord, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble. In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes, for I am your servant." (Ps. 143)

How to Save a Life

2008-10-25T22:52:00.000-04:00

Now,I'm not "The Fray," but I learned how to save a life today.Today is Sunday in kiwiland...and I had gone out for a meeting after church and didn't make it home until about 3 pm.So, I put my key in the door and walk in.Then,I hear it...something struggling.

I turned to my left and I see this bird flying around my living room.I instantly panicked.I went back outside and closed the door."What the heck am I going to do?"is what I thought.So, I thought to myself that I wasn't going to be intimidated by a bird(though clearly I was), so I went back inside the house.I tried to think of how this bird managed to get into our house without one of us noticing.

All of my flatmates were gone, so then I thought that it was a pretty sweet prank to pull,but I was worried when I saw the bird landing on my fresh clean laundry that it would poop on it...so I panicked yet again.Okay, think Heidi...how do you get this thing out.It kept running into the windows, so I wasn't about to go over there to try and open them.So,I do what any girl does...I call a guy...however, this guy doesn't pick up his phone.So, then I do what any girl would do next: call another guy...but there again was no answer.So, I call Rachel and she talks me through it.

I was in rare form.I was literally dodging my head and trying to make it go in my sweater for fear of the bird pooping on me or pecking out my eyes (thanks to a scary story told to me by one of my friends).The doors wouldn't open...awesome.I struggled for a bit, but finally the latch opened and I stood back waiting for the bird to leave.Instead of going out the door, it flew into the window again...then it got some brains (I honestly don't know how it had any left after running into the window that many times) and it flew out.

I saved a life...a bird's life.Is it dorky if I thought spiritually about this?Cause I did...we are a lot like birds...constantly looking for a way out, feeling trapped...but we're too stupid to look to the obvious answer (God), so we keep running into obstacles that get us no where (windows).Think about that for a moment.

Be blessed and be a blessing...save a bird's life.

Namaste

2008-10-23T05:08:00.000-04:00

My third year of college (uni), I had to do an assignment that has forever changed the way that I view the world.I had to do an ethnography for cultural anthropology.I had to sit in one location for a total of six hours over a span of six weeks.Actually in the process, I was kicked out of Wal*Mart (ask for details if you really want to know). Essentially I had to watch people. I had to watch their habits, reactions, expressions, how they treated others, their looks, and write down my observations.

I felt somewhat creepy at the time...watching people left and right and then jotting down notes along the way.I remember going into malls when I was in high school and being creeped out by the old men that would sit in the big circle area (you know what I'm talking about) and they would just stare.I didn't want people to think that was me, as a twenty year old...gross.

So, now two years later...I'm stuck doing an ethnography everywhere I go.I am constantly observing people and how they act and it actually makes me check how I act/react.Want to know where you can see the true colors of a person? A traffic jam.I've experienced plentyyyy of those since being here...I always manage to get stuck in them.

Last week,I was stuck in traffic and this guy in a red truck was beside me and he started cursing at me...for no reason.I wasn't doing anything wrong,but this guy for some reason was ticked at me.True colors shown through...

It made me conscious that people watch you and come up with an opinion of who you are in just a matter of seconds or minutes.When people watch me, do they see Jesus in me or a woman of poor character?While reading Coffee News, this wise thought came up: "You never get a second chance to make a first impression." Make it a good one and know people are watching (in a non creepy way).

Be blessed and be a blessing.

Humorous Heidi Inserts Foot

2008-10-22T00:19:00.000-04:00

Now I know what you're all probably thinking..."Oh my!Heidi is the cutest thing in the world!" And it's totally okay to think that,but there's a bigger purpose for me sharing these oh so embarrassing photos with the world.

As you can tell from the "I can make it up the stairs" and "I hate being a ladybug" face...I had quite the witty sense of humor as a child.I was generally a "smart mouth" according to my parents and my teachers would always comment on my report cards that I was very talkative.I was the kid that passed tons of notes in class and was the "class clown." That name carried on into junior high and high school.It is seriously amazing that I never got a detention. Then,the past two years at camp, I got "best sense of humor" and this year "camp clown."

I believe that humor is totally a gift from God,but depending on how we use it...man,it can ruin a good thing.Something that I've always struggled with has been my sarcasm.I'm going to be brutally honest with you...I've been mean.It wasn't until about two years ago that I truly understand how much my humor can hurt people's feelings.I try to be more and more aware of that and think before I speak so that I don't damage a friendship. Unfortunately,I have inserted my foot in my mouth on several occassions. I hate that.I hate how I have this gift from God and instead of building people up,it tears them down.

The way that I look at internship is that it's a chance for me to grow in all the areas that I need to...when it comes to ministry and also just developing a Godly character.You know what that means...accountability.Now, no one likes to be told when they've messed up...especially when they already know that they've messed up, but I so appreciate how one person in particular is so incredibly real with me.This person tells me when I hurt people and has even said "People let you get away with too much."Ouch...but in a good way.

Accountability sometimes sucks.It's not easy to hear how you need to become a better person, but something that I'm striving for is to become that better Heidi.To not be consumed by other's thoughts of me...but to be transformed by God and become the woman of God that He would have me to be...even if that means having someone tell me what I should change about myself.That's the gift of a true friend...in all honesty.Bizarre, I know,but it's true.

I don't think that God calls us to stay the same.That doesn't make any sense, but we are to become more like Christ and more effective for His mysterious ministry.This is something that I yearn for.I want to be different.I want to be stretched.I want people to identify things that I am that need to be changed.Now that doesn't mean for you all to attack me with what's wrong with me,but having a good friend identify areas that need improving...is helpful.

Be blessed and be a blessing...and watch your mouth.

what's love got to do with it?

2008-10-20T23:17:00.000-04:00

I remember growing up how much I loved the song "Love" by Nat King Cole.I loved it (no pun intended).My favorite line was "V is very very extra ordinary." I wanted to love in an extra ordinary way...a way that was not common to others.Those words are only now really taking shape in my life.I was always the kid who would love things with my whole heart.I loved my stuffed animals.I loved my Polly Pockets.I loved my swing set. I loved my leotard.I loved baton.I loved rollar blading in the kitchen. I loved making music videos.I loved giving people hugs.I loved people.

Growing up with the mind-set that I need to love everyone/everything with my whole heart, sacrificing myself was always something that I tried to do.But as I continued to love people, I lost sight of why I was loving them.Was I doing it because it made me a better person? Was I doing it because it was how I was brought up?Was I doing it because God calls us to love?No,I was doing it for selfish reasons.Imagine that...loving others for selfish reasons.It doesn't quite make sense.

You see,as a person who loves...I get hurt a lot.I started to resent God because I couldn't understand why God would have me love people if they were just going to hurt me in the long run of things.It didn't make sense.My heart knew why I was loving people,but until I went searching, my head didn't know.

As I was preparing a sermon today, I came across this thought:

"We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home." (TWLOHA)

As a control freak, organized, structured girl, I thought that if I loved people,then they would love me in return...in the same way that I loved them.Foolish,I know,but one can dream right?Instead...I've poured myself out and gotten hurt.As I read that quote above, it finally sunk in."We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers." I am a rescuer, but I don't know the ending...and that's okay.Yes it's tough to try and understand,but I am called to love people and give them hope. It's inevitable that my heart willl get hurt.It's up to them how they will respond.And I will do just that...pour myself out again and again...as I have done for many years.

Be blessed and be a blessing.Love someone.

A Day of Firsts...

2008-10-18T07:06:00.000-04:00

Have you ever come up with a list of things that you want to do in your life?It's probably something dorky to do,but I've definitely done it...and I bet you wouldn't be able to guess what one of those things was...driving a stick shift.Yeap...twenty-two years of life and I had never done that before.The closest that I had ever come was driving the four wheeler back home and let's just say that I wasn't very good at it.

In New Zealand, tons of people drive manual cars...it's actually kind of ridiculous and I felt like a loser for never knowing how to drive one...or having ever attempted to drive one.So,who decides to be brave and teach me?That's right...my friend Brent took on this challenge.We headed out this afternoon to a parking lot and he began to give me instructions.Now,I don't pay attention very well unless I'm about to do something..meaning,until I'm in the driver's seat,I won't be really soaking in anything that he was saying to me.

So there I sat...my little legs barely reaching the clutch and I started driving...it wasn't easy,but I was trying to come across as confident...as Brent laughed and I got more nervous.I didn't want to break his car or anything.So...I'm alive, I've driven in reverse, parked,stalled(a few times),and driven on the main road...yeah,that's right...be impressed.

Then it was time for our next adventure for the day.You see,I love kites.At college I would go and fly kites...at least I did my junior year.So,when I was given my car...there was a kite in the trunk,so I thought "Wow!What a great idea!"So,after my driving lesson,Brent flew a kite for the first time!He was a tad excited.We toughed it out through the lack of wind, rain, and sunshine so that you could see the picture up above...booyah.

Youth Pastor Heidi

2008-10-15T18:37:00.000-04:00

So,something exciting happened today!For the past few days, something has been weighing heavily on my heart...and that's just my purpose for being here in New Zealand.I have such a passion for teens and a heart to see them come to know God and go deeper with Him...

Being new here,I wasn't about to open up my mouth and say what I thought I should say,but I wanted to ease into the role of "the intern" and not offer too much too soon...which,honestly,was a good idea.Then I became discontent...and I knew that if I didn't speak up,that I would be hindering what God wanted me to do.

So, after talking to some people that I respect dearly, a conclusion was made.I had to talk to Pastor Mike and express my heart and passion. I hate confrontation and I was really scared that I would come across as the intern who didn't know her place.When I get nervous,I get dinosaurs in my stomach and my hands get clammy and sometimes I stutter...so I was so scared!

I spent some time in prayer last night about my approach and just that God would speak through me and that Pastor Mike would have open ears, an open mind, and an open heart to what I had to say to him.We spoke for about an hour and a half and I just shared my heart with him and what I wanted to get out of my internship and where I felt I had to be obedient to God.

I love teens.I connect with them.Last night at our Teen Bible Study (Laundromat..love it), a guy walked in and I instantly knew something was wrong and I asked him later if he wanted to talk about it and I knew exactly what was wrong.That's not just a coincidence...My heart hurts when they hurt and having some crappy teenage years,I just connect with them...and it's a crucial time.Your teenage years are when some decide to follow Christ or turn from them and I want to be there for them...I want to impact them for Christ.

After sharing my heart, Pastor Mike said, okay,let's do it.You're in charge.You're the youth pastor.Um...frightening but SO exciting!!Our first outting is tonight to go and see Tom's play...we're supporting him as a Bible study.Seriously...so good!

Be blessed and be a blessing!

Worth...where are you?

2008-10-13T19:09:00.000-04:00

Worth.I've been battling with this word lately.I'm trying to wrap my head completely around it and I can't seem to do that because anytime that I think I have it sorted, something proves me wrong. To have worth in something means that something is of value to you.What do I put my worth in?What am I valuing?

No, us being ridiculous humans, rely on other people to make sure that we feel "worth" it. I know that I'm guilty of this and it's something that I have been struggling with since I've been here in New Zealand. I wonder if I'm worth someone's time, or if I'm just annoying them.I wonder if my friends in the US and England think I'm worth their time.If I'm worth talking to and checking up on.What makes us think that we aren't worth people's time?Better yet,why do I look to other people to feel my self-worth?I can't help but get frustrated at myself.

It's almost like I'll be struggling with this until someone grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me and says "you're worth it."I think that it has to do with self-respect.Why do I find it so much easier to respect other people, but never myself.I always find myself last on the totem pole...I constantly do things for others and aim to help those in need and put myself at the bottom of the pile. Some would call this "awesome," while others would say that it's "unhealthy." Where do we draw the line?

I know I'm rambling,but seriously...how do we know when too much is too much?How do we know when we've gone past the healthy caring point and gotten to the unhealthy caring point?Why do I find it so easy to love until it hurts...and not give up on people.

I remember talking with a friend a few years back and how he had this "damsel in distress" syndrome. You know the one...where he sees a girl that it's need...or lacking the love of Jesus that he thought she could/should have...so what would he do?He would try to fix it..but it only ended up messing up his life...literally.

Why do I constantly want to fix other people's problems?When I'm friends with someone I care until I hurt...physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally.I'm constantly going through circumstances in my mind that could better this person, which makes me forget about myself..which makes me doubt if I'm "worth it" to other people.I just want to feel like I'm worth someone's time. Worth more than just five minutes here and there.

Then another part of me says, "Heidi Genevieve...you get your worth from God." Which I know is true in my heart, but my head can't seem to grasp that.My heart is giving out to many people and wanting to feel worth in return in a sense...if that makes any sense at all.I know that my worth comes from God, but knowing that people genuinely care matters a lot too.I care about people so much and they know that...I just want that same feeling.

Take Time to Realize...

2008-10-12T04:28:00.000-04:00

So...ever since I was like able to stand..my dad,sister, and I had this thing that we would do every morning.Dad would leave for work and Robin and I would stand in the dining room and do "I heart you" to my dad through the window and he would sit in his car and do it back to us.We seriously did this every morning...so, when I went to Long Bay beach today...I decided to be creative and take some pictures for my family...I love you guys and miss you dearly.Dad,picture me doing this for you...well,you don't have to picture it because here are pictures for you!

I moved into my flat and have some amazing flatmates.Michelle,Sarah,and Nicole are fantastic.I am so pumped to live with them.It's already been filled with adventure...and you all know how much I love adventure!So yeah...they rock and I'm so glad to be with them.I'm excited to get to know them better and to do tons of fun things together.

My list of realizations is getting longer and longer...but it's totally healthy...at least I think so.I'm realizing so much by being here.I'm realizing who my true friends are, what kind of friends I look for,how much I need God and lack sharing myself with Him sometimes...I also realize how much time I have with people.People mean the world to me.I love them and I love spending time with people...I'm just so much better when others are around.Don't get me wrong,I love to go on adventures by myself...but having company is so much better...especially in a car that doesn't have a radio.

One tidbit of information that came to my attention today is that Shore Grace was dead set on not having anyone come to work for the church if they were only going to be there for 12 months or less...but here I am.After talking to one of the leaders of the church he said that it's just too painful...people get attached and the teens get attached...and it's just so hard to get to know someone and then the next second have them gone and you never know when or if they'll be coming back.

That hit me hard.I am so blessed.It's totally a God thing that I'm here.Here is this church that has had people come in for a few months and leave...and they weren't keen on that..but here I am.I think that we take people forgranted.We don't realize the precious time that we have with them and we assume that they'll always physically be there for us to run to.It's weird...there's someone here that I have just spilled my life to and I've known this person for three weeks...but knowing that I only have a little over four months with the people here,I want to pour myself out and get to know them as best as I can...and I hope that they can find it in themselves to do the same with me.

I feel that when we're around the same people constantly we take the time with them forgranted.At camp, I had 2.5 months to get to know people and out of the experience,I have 4 of the closest friends that I have ever had.I think it's because I knew I only had a certain amount of time with them...so I poured myself out there...and they did the same.I want that with people in New Zealand.I don't want to walk away from this experience saying, "I wish that I had done that" or "I wish I had gotten to know that person better." I'm prepared to pour and they better be ready to soak it up.

Be blessed and be a blessing.

Nearly a Kiwiacan...

2008-10-09T19:17:00.000-04:00

As I was unpacking/decorating my new room in my flat last night...I got a phone call at 6:40 and it said "Josh." Hmm...I had to think about who Josh was.I picked up and Josh said, "Hey Heidi!It's Josh...so,last minute...but I have free tickets to the Breakers game and I'm wondering if you want to come." I had to think for a moment,then I realized who it was!!Rachel was on her way up,so I said that I'd wait for her and then we'd be right up...

Rachel and I found the place just fine and we recruited three guys that walked by and said, "It's all sold out." I said, "Hey,we have free tickets.Do you want to come?" It was a Dad and his two sons(I'm guessing).So...we were able to give away some more tickets. I hope they saw Jesus through us.

The game was down to the wire...and the Breakers lost by 9...it was craziness.I didn't think that I'd get that excited, but there I was jumping up and down whenever they scored and "booing" when the other team got fouled...or so called fouled.I must say,I made Maine proud...I felt like I was at a basketball tournament the way that I was cheering.If only I had made a sign...with a "D" and a white picket "fence." Too good!

I had the AMAZING opportunity to meet some of the Breakers dancers.It was a joke...I acted super excited,but anyone who knows me..knows that I could have cared less.I definitely pulled the "I'm from America.Can I have my picture taken with you?" They're like, "yeah honey..come on over!"It was hilarious.

Good times...I'm finally taking in some more cultural moments...and my flat is fantastic.I'll post pictures soon.

Be blessed and be a blessing.

Here.

2008-10-08T15:46:00.000-04:00

I've had so much opportunity to think over the past few days.The Yates (pastor and family) have been away skiing for the week,so I've had the blessing of staying at their house and looking after their critters...they have three chickens, a rabbit, and a cat.I was given the task of feeding the animals..obviously...I mean,they have to eat.So, I put on some rubber boots and went out to the swamp, because it rains constantly...picture me...jeans yanked up,boots on,hoodie,and a bucket of food...I felt like the biggest moron...but I looked dang attractive (jk).So now,I'm petrified of chickens because these three not only wake me up in the morning with their squacking, but they charged after me...no joke!They're all still alive...so house-sitting was a success!

On a different note...and onto another topic.

Church planting has been something that I have had a growing passion for over the past three years and being a part of a church plant over here is such a good learning opportunity.Shore Grace is celebrating its fifth year anniversary next month,so it's still a fairly young church.God has been so good to them and they are growing and reaching more people.I however, did not understand what really went into it.At times I feel that my abilities are being held back and that I don't have enough work, but at the same time...seeing how a church plant really functions is so valuable to me.They truly are a team made up of Mike, Julia, Kerry, and Rae as the head people if you could say that.They are the core and are some of the most dedicated people that I have ever met.

One of the ways that Shore Grace does outreach is through "cafe church" where they literally hold a cafe setting at the church location. This coming Sunday, we're doing cafe church with a theological twist. We're having a discussion titled: "Faith Under Scrutiny" Does science disprove God? What of suffering and evil and different religions? Is there life after death? We're having people write down questions that they have and then they'll be asked to the panel of scholars.I'm so excited to be a part of this!

On another note...sorry...but a huge way that I am blessed is through music and one song has meant so much to me over the past week...whenever I listen to it,I just see how majestic God is.I encourage you to find it and listen to it. "Here in Your Presence" by New Life Worship.Seriously..invest in this...it's so good.Let me know what you think.

Be blessed and be a blessing.

Reality Sets In...

2008-10-05T20:00:00.000-04:00

So,I know that I've only written about the good stuff since I've gotten here,but I think that it's also important to be vulnerable with you guys and fill you in on how I'm feeling at this present moment.I absolutely love it here...trust me on that...but I was also warned that there would come a time where I would have a little breakdown...I would be homesick or something to that extent.

Well,I'm not homesick...I don't miss home (sorry house in Maine), but I miss the consistency that I had when I was at home.Consistent means: to be reliable; steady. Yes, I'm a geek and I looked that up...Anyways,I miss the consistency that I had when I was at home.Since being here, I've had to start all over.I didn't come in with friends (well,many) that were here and I knew that I would have to put myself out there and form friendships all over again.That can be so incredibly intimidating...so,thankfully I had some people step in and take me under their wing..which was very much appreciated.I honestly think that when I get into my flat (this Thursday/Friday),then it'll be much better!

Anyways,back to the consistency thing...I had a situation on Friday night which left me feeling like I had no consistency.I was supposed to go out,but that ended up not happening.I hate planning something,but then having those plans fall through...I've always hated when people bail on me and that's what I felt on Friday...though I know the other person didn't mean to have that happen.I wouldn't believe that's in anyone's heart to be like that...

So,I ended up sitting at home on Friday and contemplating(not something that's healthy for me..cause I think way too much)for the night...and then on Saturday,I hadn't made any plans,so I sat and thought some more.I miss my friends a lot.Three of my best friends live in England and my other two best friends live in America...it's rough to be here without them.I never really imagined how much I would miss my friends...people that know me inside and out and know what makes me happy and what makes me sad and when I just need to sit with someone and say nothing and then when I need to spill my guts.

I miss consistency.I am determined to find that here.Please know that I'm doing much better, but for the weekend I wasn't much of a fan of being around people...but I'm getting back into the swing of things.So, Mom and Dad...don't worry...I'm good...and to my consistent friends...thank you.

Be blessed and be a blessing to someone.

I definitely have some wheelsssssss...

2008-10-04T19:22:00.000-04:00

Coming to another country can provide so many amazing opportunities...obviously.One opportunity that I was so stoked about was the opportunity to drive over here.Not only do they drive on the other side of the road, but also on the other side of the car!I knew that this would be a task and I was totally up for the challenge...

So, this past Thursday my friends Jo, Rachel, and Sara came up from South Auckland and drove my car, known as "Nelson" to the Yates house. There he was...a four door gray little car. It comes equiped with no working radio and the AC only works on full blast. That's right my friends, this car has personality.Well, on Friday I set out on a journey to hang out with Rachel down south and hopped on the motorway headed into the city of Auckland. The motorway=packed.I've been in traffic jams before, but nothing compared to this one.

I was texting my friends saying that I was stuck in this massive traffic jam.Here I was,no AC and no radio...so what did I do?The one thing that any American would do...I busted out my laptop and started jamming to tunes :)I was stuck on the motorway for two hours...and moved maybe 2.5 miles.What a journey by myself...my first time driving...and I went nowhere.Pretty much a success!

Come to find out,there was a massive accident on the main bridge.A truck was going under an overpass, but had too much stuff on the top of his truck and pretty much destroyed the bridge. They had to shut down the entire motorway for about 10 miles...and when I went driving yesterday, I saw the middle of the bridge completely taken out.I guess you could say that they won't be using that bridge for a while...

So,it's been a few days...I've only driven on the wrong side of the road once.No one has gotten hurt and Nelson is a little loud, but is steady...more adventures to come I'm sure.

I Found a Flat!

2008-09-30T18:51:00.000-04:00

Hello readers,
I have some amazing news!When I first arrived in New Zealand,I started staying with this lady (Marie) and she is actually moving to a different house in a few weeks,so it was necessary for me to find a new place to live.Talk about scary!Here I was, in a totally different location,trying to find an apartment (flat over here).So, I busted out the newspapers on Monday and held the hi-liter in hand.I had always wanted to do that...sit there with a coffee, newspaper, and hi-liter, wanting to find a place to live.Here I was...living out that dream...

So,I started turning the pages and looking for places under $200 a week (which is about $130 American, 65 pounds in England, and about $14,000 in Canadian...hey,I don't know what the currency rate is). As I was looking,there were no flats available for under $200.In fact, the cheapest that I found was $260.That was okay for my budget, but definitely not ideal.So,I prayed that God would help me to find a place to live (because I really needed one...and soon.).I said to the pastor, "I'll look online and see what I can find." You see,I have this thought that if it's advertized online,then those people are somewhat more intelligent because they 1. Know what they're doing online and 2. Will seek a wider range of people...I guess I trust it more.

So,after searching online for about half an hour,I got to this one site that had four locations that were under $200 a week!I checked them each out online and the one that I was really inclined to look at was for $16o a week and it's a house with three local university students (all girls).I called the girl up and she was keen on me coming to look at the place, so Mike(pastor) and I went to look at it last night...and I have found a flat!!!The girls are dynamite and the flat is decent...once I put on some rubber gloves...we'll be all set.What's even better is that we all go grocery shopping together, eat meals together, and the rent includes everything...I mean it...everything!God answered prayer for sure!

I'll be moving in next Saturday and I am so very excited to live with these three girls.What a great ministry opportunity!I have been so blessed and I am trying my hardest to be a blessing to others. Now go out and do the same :)

Here's some pictures!

2008-09-29T19:33:00.001-04:00

One Week Past

2008-09-26T19:28:00.000-04:00

"It's been one week since you looked at me..."

Okay...not quite,but I've been here a week and it's been so amazing.The people here are so welcoming and friendly...they actually leave their doors open for people to just come in whenever they feel like it...that's definitely a different thing to get used to.This past week,I started working in the office.I have never been an "office style" kind of girl,so this is different.The pastor is also teaches some business classes at the local university, so he is in and out of the office constantly.That's a bit different.

I led a teen Bible study on Wednesday night called "laundromat Bible study."Eight guys showed up and I love how open they are to growing in their relationship with Christ.They bring some difficult questions and I actually e-mailed one of my professors to have him try to answer my questions.I'm so pumped to be involved in this ministry and hear what questions they have to bring up in the upcoming weeks.

I said the other day how I can't believe that people can be surrounded by this constant beauty and still not believe that God exists.I find it so much easier to see God in everything that I see around me.It has definitely improved my spiritual life in being here...and I can see my character developing more and more and that is so encouraging!Things are going well and I'll keep you updated!

Feet in the Pacific...okay!

2008-09-21T16:41:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone!
I made it here!It was a long journey,but so worth the trip already.After waiting in the airport for forever and a day,I boarded the flight to Auckland at 10:15 pm and thankfully fell asleep pretty much as soon as I got on the plane...I woke up when the pilot said that we only had a 120 miles until we reached Auckland. This is when the nerves set in.When I get nervous, my stomach hurts really badly...almost as if I have dinosaurs (because I don't get butterflies...).So,I started to get overheated...so I thankfully had a little fan handy dandy thing (aka paper).

Once getting off the flight, I went to pick up my luggage. I was so scared that it wouldn't be there,so I prayed that God would be behind this and have it show up.After a ton of other people grabbed their's, then came my green suitcase and huge red bag.Thankfully!I put it on a carrier and then headed toward customs.This was another nervous time for me.I handed the "nice lady" my passport and paperwork and she asked who was coming to pick me up and did I have a phone number for them. I said that Mike, Jeff,and Brent were coming to get me but that I didn't have a contact number. She was very snappy and even made me take my hat off for me to reveal my grease-ball of a head.Not good times.She thankfully allowed me in and gave me my first stamp in my passport.Yeaha.

So...I'm wandering around looking for my people because let's face it,I don't really know what these people look like.Then I see Brent's smiling face and beside him were Mike and Jeff. Again...relief.We sat and enjoyed a cup of tea (juice for me) and then headed our separate ways...just like journey.

My first drive through Auckland was intense. We got in on the opposite sides of the car, drove on the opposite side of the road, and they don't believe in stop signs around here...so the traffic is SO fast paced...which is scary. They have tons of turn arounds...so again, scary. It was so odd to see city on one side of the road, and a proper field with cows on the other side. I said that where I'm from, they separate the two: one is city, and then you drive further to see the country.Mike took me to my first Pacific beach: Tapakura Beach. I dipped my feet in the water...and it was freezing...but I had to!If not for me,then for my dad :)

I was able to shower and meet some more people as the day went on and then I hung out with the youth group "Fusion"which were such a delight. I can already tell that I'm going to have a blast with them!The people here are so laid back and welcoming...they really don't let anything bother them, or so it seems right now. Saturday night (which would be your friday or early saturday morning), Brent put together a "Heidi's Night Out" to welcome me.This was such a huge blessing.I met about 17 other people that I hope to get to know better. The majority of them live on the other side of Auckland. Geoff picked me up and we had an interesting ride to the restaurant...then we went bowling!I was beyond tired,so my social skills were lacking...and that's what I blame my poor bowling on...

That's the update so far...church was great yesterday and I will post pictures of what I did yesterday afternoon.God is so good and He is totally in this. Thanks for your prayers and keep them coming.Love you!
Heids

the incredible journey...

2008-09-17T03:34:00.000-04:00

Well,I love how when I think that I have things in control,God totally stirs them up.One of my biggest fears was that my flights would not work out...and today...wow,has been insane to the membrane.

It started out in Portland, Maine.My parents dropped me off and said good-bye (tear), and then I waited for my flight.I was quite early,so I passed the time with reading, jamming to some tunes, attempting to write a little bit, and painting my nails.Then, about twenty minutes before my flight was supposed to take off, the Delta rep. said that we were at a ground control because there were too many flights going into JFK (NYC). So, there I was...utter panic.So,the guy calls me up to the counter and tries to get some info because I will miss all of my connecting flights and won't make it to New Zealand.

Between him being on the phone and me calling/crying/panicing...I got on the plane to JFK at 3:15 and arrived at 4:50 (ten minutes late...so I missed my flight). So, I talked to another Delta rep (her name was Zina..sweet,I know).She was wonderful for this tear-stained face...she got me a ticket to LA (the last seat) and worked to book my flight to New Zealand as soon as I could get one.So, I was able to get on the internet for a little bit (paid $10 for it...eeesh) and talk to my friends who I filled in on what was going on and they prayed for me. Thank you so VERY much for doing that.

So,I hop on the plane to LA and sit beside a Marine who manages to fall asleep on my shoulder...I didn't even know his name,but hey,he's doing a service to our country..so I guess I could give him my shoulder.I took some Tylenol PM so that I could sleep...and I did...I slept for about 4.5 hours out of the 5.5 total that I was in the air.I hopped off the plane, sorted out my baggage, and here I sit..in LAX until tomorrow night at 10:30 when I will hop on a plane to New Zealand...a day later than I should have been.

I'm safe. I'm okay.I have internet and my Bible,so Jesus and I will be having good times.Please keep praying for me as I have to do my best to stay awake so that none of my things get stolen.It'll be a long night/day (yawning as I type).Please keep checking up on me.

Blessings!
Heidi

Contact.

2008-09-14T22:59:00.001-04:00

Oh yeah...I forgot to put my address in there for those of you who would like to send me mail...here you go!

Shore Grace Church
Attn: Heidi Sattler
Greenhithe
New Shore City 0632
New Zealand
Phone: (09)413-6388

I leave in two sleeps...I may pee my pants!

2008-09-14T20:17:00.000-04:00

Okay...so I'm sitting in my living room updating this oh so wonderful blog...booyah.My toes are freezing, I'm wearing a hoodie,and all that I can think is..."my feet will be in the pacific ocean so soon!"That...along with about a bazillion other thoughts...

Today was my last church service at home.What a blessing to have my pastor pray over me and to feel the support of my church family.I think that in order to feel secure in this adventure, that I needed the support of my church...so, thank you to those of you who are praying for me.If you've committed...please pray! :)

Also...I'm not sure how I feel about this whole "see you in five months" deal.I mean...really?It's sad when you think about it long enough,so I try not to do that.My friend wrote to me "I'll hug you again in five months." Dang...that made reality set in.And then for me to see the youth group tonight and spend time with them (here's your shout out guys...love you!)...it was so wonderful to hear about their intentions for the year.I have so much faith in you guys...go out and be Jesus to people...do what my generation couldn't do.

The packing process...check.Done that...only after about an hour of packing with my mom.You see,I wasn't the best at geometry,so trying to make everything fit into a little suitcase...just wasn't happening,so my mom packed my stuff..yes,I know...I'm a big baby.Go ahead and think what you will,but I'm packed,so there :) I realized one thing that I forgot though...a watch.I mean,who really needs to keep the time?Not me.Who needs to know when her flight is leaving?Not me.Who needs to know if she's late for her flight?Not me.So...I went to the lovely Wal*Mart and purchased a great sunflower watch...little girl's style...yeaha.

Here I sit...with cold toes and thoughts in my head.I'm really doing this.The next time you hear from me,I'll be in Kiwiland.

Blessings,
Heidi

I Leave in a Week!

2008-09-10T09:11:00.000-04:00

So...this is insane...I leave in a week.Actually,less than a week.In exactly 6 days and 19 hours I will be boarding a plane for the adventure of a lifetime.This is crazy.I'm actually doing this.A year ago,I never would have thought that this time would actually come.

It had been such a huge struggle to find a place that would accept me and that had mentors even available...that I never thought I'd be at this point.I am so blessed.After looking in multiple different locations and attempting to be mentored by some great mentors, God placed me at Shore Grace Wesleyan.

I will depart on September 16th at 2:36 pm from Portland, Maine and I will then fly to NYC, stop in JFK for 40 minutes, then board my next flight to LA.I'll have a layover there for about four hours and then board my final flight "Air New Zealand" for a 12-14 hour flight.That's intense.This experience is such a blessing.Even getting ready...is a blessing.I haven't started the packing process,so that thought could change very quickly.

Please pray for me as I tie up things at home and say good-bye to friends and family.This is no doubt going to be a stretching process for me and I know that I will need the Lord's strength.Please keep my family in prayer as there are some things going on with them.I am so excited to embark on this adventure!

If you think of challenges to have me do,please tell me...because I want to challenge myself as much as I can while I'm over there.May the Lord bless you!Heidi